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We were banished, along with the rest of mankind, from the Garden of Eden. The fruit was so tempting, even if it was forbidden! Our bad.
Sure, my family and I were saved from the flood, but you try spending months on end with the same people, on a boat that smells like a zoo.
Yeah, I may have survived the night in the lion's den, but did anyone ever mention that I was allergic to cats?
With only your parents and siblings on earth, you'd think yourself safe from murderers. You'd think...
I'm still salty about my wife turning to a pillar of salt. She dropped something! She wasn't looking back at Sodom and Gomorrah.
After leaving my home, at the age of 75, I might add, my faith was further tested when I was ordered to sacrifice my son.
I really didn't want to go to Nineveh, like the 'Big Guy' instructed, so I sailed in a different direction - into a fish's stomach.
I lost my livestock and children, as well as my health, overnight because Satan suggested my goodness was a result of my blessings.
My brothers sold me into slavery because they were jealous I was Dad's favorite son. However, I did get the last laugh becoming Vizier and all.
As a King of Israel, I built the First Temple in Jerusalem, which was destroyed centuries later. Cheers to a sturdier Second Temple.
Big mistake telling Delilah the secret to my strength: my hair. Naturally, she shaved my head, after which I was captured, blinded and imprisoned.
I barely escaped Pharaoh as a baby courtesy of a river basket and evaded him once more while freeing the Jews, but it was a solid beach trip.
No one ever told me how massive Goliath was before I volunteered as tribute to defeat him with only a couple of rocks and a sling!
When a witch tells you the night before a battle that: 1. You'll lose and 2. You'll die, it tends to dampen your morale. That's probably why I lost.
Leave it to a woman, the only female judge mentioned in the Bible, to make sure that a man shows up to a battle with God on his side.
After my husband died, I was the only one left to take care of my mother-in-law, and let's be real, that more than warrants an entire Bible book.
I barely escaped an ancient Holocaust, along with all the Jews in Persia, planned by a pompous viceroy. Lucky for me (and Purim) I was the queen.
I was infertile most of my life, so imagine my amusement at giving birth to my first child at approximately 90 years old.
My beau worked 7 years for Dad so he could marry me. Imagine our surprise at the wedding when my sister was presented as his bride.
I'm known as 'the weeping prophet' because my pleas for Israel to repent went unheard, and God forbid me to marry or have kids.
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