Joke | Comedian |
Dear cBeebies, I have three beebies and my beebies love to watch cBeebies, from their deedie | |
I'm not a dwarf I'm a lesbian | |
Hello, I'm Delia Smith, and today, we're going to cook a panda | |
You are leaving Croydon. Well done. | |
And the winner is... Dara O' Briain | |
I am the returning officer... and it's great to be back | |
Charlie couldn't believe he was being allowed into the chocolate factory. His girlfriend had been dead against it for years. | |
The Russians had Lemsip. The Americans had Nightnurse. This was the cold war. | |
Happy birthday, dear Grandad | |
Now I know today is no school uniform day, Barry. But we were hoping that you would wear something else. | |
Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault and has ruined your life? Next time use Durex. | |
And here at the British Grand Prix, we've already had a couple of fatalities. Yes, two of the crowd have died of boredom. | |
The walls are plastered and I'm a little bit s***faced too, to be honest. | |
Welcome to your new foster home | |
| Joke | Comedian |
Buy Lidl wine because poor people shouldn't have to drink cider. | |
Here At The BBC, we need balance. (Stands on one leg) Jeremy Corbyn's s*** | |
No LaLa, I'm afraid you're not Teletubby, you're Teleobese, and if you're not careful, you're gonna get Telediabetes | |
Tesco penis extensions. Because every little helps. | |
It is gonna be a scorcher, so guys, you might as well just staple your balls to the inside of your thigh, because those bad boys are going nowhere | |
Dear Babestation, what are you doing to mark the forthcoming centenary of women's suffrage? | |
Dear Deirdre, why does semen make you fat? | |
Of course the influence of private companies hasn't affected the NHS, just ask my colleague, Dr Pepper. | |
Mr Muscle - Loves the jobs you hate. Apart from ****. He doesn't do ****. | |
THE TRUTH!!! | |
It's f***ing Menzies (pronounced Mingus) | |
Get that fish outta here, it stinks! You should never leave a plaice in the sun. | |
Oh God, is that my baby? I've given birth to Andy Parsons! | |
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