Miscellaneous Quiz / Quotes and Who Said Them

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Can you name the people who said theese quotes?

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QuotePerson
'Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.'
'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go'
'There's no i in celebrity'
'I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.'
'How comes Eskimos haven't turned into icy-cubes? Like, ice people? ...When they die where do they go? They can't get buried under the grass like we do.'
'Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you'
'Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?'
'If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.'
'All men are equal before fish'
'Somewhere between murder and suicide, there is a place called Merseyside'
'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven'
'Obviously I'd like to improve our team. But I haven't heard anything that improves our team.'
QuotePerson
'I don't see why people are so snooty about Channel 5.'
'My best fishing memory is about some fish that I never caught'
'Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.'
'I never said most of the things I said'
'It's alright, I'm not going to steal your breakfast you fat prick.'
'If he believes in it, he can believe. I’m not interested in what happens behind me.'
'Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?'
'You can have any colour you like, as long as it's black.'
'I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with guess on it. I said, thyroid problem'
'Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?''
'If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts'
'If you can't beat them, then what's the point in having kids?'

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