Television Quiz / 100 Simpsons Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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QuoteCharacter
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'Daddy.'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making love...ly rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'They taste like burning...'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
QuoteCharacter
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
QuoteCharacter
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'I'm a furniture!'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'

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