Television Quiz / Supernatural Funny Quotes

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Can you identify who said these funny quotes from Supernatural?

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Mr. Big-Bad-Prison-Guard, Jimmy McMook give you the slip?
What do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude! You're not gonna poke her with a stick!
No, He's not on any flatbread.
I’ve got this killer mattress. Memory foam: It remembers me.
Do you ever tire of urinating? I'll never get used to it.
Oh, I'm not carrying that. It could go off. I'll man the flashlight.
Hand me your... walkie-talkie.
Four score and seven years ago... I had a funny hat.
You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--
Everybody loves bacon!
I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.
You're the short bus, short bus...
I'm a painted ****!
Oh yeah, yeah, possums... possums kill, Sid.
I found a liquor store....and I drank it.
My partner here, he just got back from the war. He just spent the last two years kicking in Nazi skulls. If he doesn’t kick in a skull every couple days, he gets real touchy.
I never trust a guy who wears a sweater.
It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.
It's the end, baby! That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?
This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?
Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?
You're lying to Sam like he's your wife, which kind of makes me your mistress.
Boy you put your foot on my table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!
You don't know what it's like to be human!
I hate witches. They're always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere.
Seriously Frank, pay phones? I’m getting the clap off this thing just touching it.
Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again.
Am I a zombie now? Do I need to eat brains?
That sling come with a slice of crybaby pie on the side?
Now I’m thinking about dad sex, stop talking.
Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?
Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?
Oh, thank God, the angels are here.
This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah.
Where's your moose?
Brains trumps legs apparently.
I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.
So... my demons were too polite?
When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.
Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!
I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.
Patience isn’t one of my virtues. Well, I don’t have any virtues, but if I did I’m certain that patience wouldn’t be one.
Whoa, hey, Miley Cyrus, settle.
He said you’d be all surly and premenstrual working with me
I'm Batman.
That's why we don't have nice things, Sam.
Oh my God- er- uh- I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you.
The real 'Mona Lisa,' where she's topless.
I’ll pay you money if you sit still. This is like diffusing an IED with poop.
This body is 100 percent socially conscious.I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.
Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.
Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. You're welcome.
Dude, you fugly
They… they made me…slow dance!
Am I strange?
I don't understand that reference.
Well I say... jackpot.
This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?
It was-it was a little, glowing... hot, naked lady, with nipples, and... she hit me.
When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex...
What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?
It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
I don’t know. I don’t have any elephant books.
Why'd you have to use tongue?
I miss you, PB and J.
A lot of 'thank you sir, can I have another hot poker up the jacksy?'
Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.
You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?
Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.
Pull my finger.
Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.
Tori Spelling. I’m a huge fan. The girl’s a real talent.
You’ve been eyeing my rack. Don’t sweat it kiddo, I’ve still got more senses than most.
If you’re dead, you better stay dead, cuz if not, we’re gonna kill you
Is it customary to wear a blanket?
Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
What’s a Snooki?
We’re not working for the Mandroid!
Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?
Beer’s not food, it’s whatever water is.
Newsflash pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am. You’re just bigger.
Third kind already? Better run, man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing
Last time you zapped me somewhere I didn't poop for a week!
Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!
Oh no, it's not safe up there. There's demons.
And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.
You won't forget the grocery shopping, will you?
‘Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home.
Inside your duffel bag?
I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...
What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?
This morning I had a menage a…what’s French for 12?
Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.
I could give two shakes of a rat’s ass. Is that right? Do rats shake their asses or is it something else?
Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas
I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.
The kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Okay, fellas, put the rulers away, zip up.
I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?
I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.
It's a part of you I never wanted to see Dean.
My voice is weird, and I've got like nine zits, and I have zero control over this; I mean it's up, it's down, it's up for no reason.
Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.
Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit.
Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!
Thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.
Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Summerset, Pennsylvania ten minutes ago.
No drinking, no gambling, no pre-marital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.
Get out of me.
Cas, stop smelling the dead guy.
We need America. They're so fat.
You goin' to a hoedown?
I'm very pop-culture savvy now.
Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?
Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! Fight the fairies!
It's an alpaca, dumbass.
Thanks... now we done feeling our feelings? Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.
Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress with his KY.
Dude, you full-on had a girl inside you for like a whole week. That’s pretty naughty
Either we got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew or we got a bunch of psychotic yokels grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it’s baby stew, which is bad
I don’t understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?
Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.
... you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads. Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting U
He just learned how to poke on Facebook.
On a bender.
When you find God, tell Him to send legs!
I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.
Damn it, Cas! How many times I got to tell you – it's just creepy!
I miss conversations that didn't start with 'this killer truck'
Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.
Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whack-a-doo all over us. We'd rather not step in it
Even as we speak, it's... going... down.
Umm... Becky, can you... quit touching me?
Yes. I'll just.. wait here then.
You’re not in my contacts list.
Do I look like Paris Hilton?
That's his serious face, yes.
Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent.
Maybe you should try plan 'D' for dumbass.
The lore says that Thinman hangs out by trees. And the woods is where trees hang out.
Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called 'Dick?'
I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emoticons.
But you didn't shoot the deputy.
Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.
Dean, I'm way too big to fit in that.
I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!
There is no singing in Supernatural.
It's a shortened version of my name.
Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!
Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.
It's funnier in enochian.
Oh, well, that's great, 'cause without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat.
What kind of house doesn't have salt? Low sodium freaks!
Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Since, let's see... mind your business.
So, we're looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?
So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.
No Garth, not me the FBI, the real FBI. How are you still alive?
Or Sam will... what's the phrase? Blow your freakin brains out.
So, what's so important that you're the king of Hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?
He's adorable.
Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.
Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.
They burned down my house! They ate my tailor!
All business up front...and party in the back!
Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.
What's in the box?!
So, we got dick on Dick?
Lost count. It's in the low hundreds.
You can't spell subtext without s-e-x.
You have a guinea pig? Where?
Don't objectify me.
She’s, uh, Glenn Close.
I've got... genital herpes.
Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?
Your, uhh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.
Girls. You’re my Marnie, Moose. And Hannah, she just needs to be loved. She deserves it, don’t we all? You, me, we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be
You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.
Eat me, Hasselhoff.
It's him, it's Dr. Sexy.
No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.
Yeah. Asian kid. Yay high. At a university. That should be easy.
I got it at the Hot Topical.
Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.
Do these tacos taste funny to you?
I'm sensing awkwardness.
I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs, at least.
Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.
Torture? Brilliant. Can’t wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S.A.M. into S&M.
A fish taco?
How does paper beat a rock? It’s stupid.
You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you?
Why did you kill your husband?!
She made us try on her panties. They were pink... and satin-y. And you know what? We kinda liked it.
You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. Because, I mean, it kinda does.
You say it and I will kill you,your children and your grandchildren!
You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it.
You sold your soul?!? Sold it? For an extra three inches of willy?
When you’ve done this job for as long as I have, a giant from the future with some magic brick doesn’t exactly give you the vapors.
Oh yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.
I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Because you know me. I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse.
There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel, and uh, I liked it Sam. I liked it a lot.
Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!
Dudes time traveling through motel room closets, that's what we've come to?
I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off.
Hello Crowley. You look stressed.
Uh, sweetie, before we go, I could remove that stick from...
Listen here, chisel chest!
I enjoyed the taste of food, particularly peanut butter with grape jelly. Not jam. Jam I found unsettling.
You smell like a toilet.
So which one are you? Grumpy, Sleepy, or Douchey?
Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke
That sounds like some very special snot.
I don't think you pronounced that correctly.
Misha? Jensen? What's with names around here?
Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.
You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!
Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags!
Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.
An animal, out here? You think it came for the sailing?
It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?
Nobody bad touched me, nobody burned me with their smokes or beat me with a metal hanger. I call that a win.
Okay. Hey, stay out of her underwear drawer.
No chick flick moments.
Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't going to mention it.
Hey assbutt!
No, not really. We have guns and we will find you.
Had a room until you two soiled it.
You may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.
Are we... should we uh... are we gonna kill this teddy bear?
I torture all my friends; it's how I show love.
I am not your aunt.
We talking, like, misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh... 'squeal like a pig' kind of trouble?
You stink like sex.
Just know that 99.99 percent of all clowns can’t hurt you.
I've been re-hymenated!
Were you racing me?
It's called anime. And it's an art form.
It's like grumpy old men.
'Soccer mom,' huh. I'll have to look that up on the 'Intranet'.
Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.
Sonny and Cher broke up?
His name is Misha! ... Misha?!
Right, right, you'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices.
You rode a farty donkey.
Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft?
Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.
This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.
A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.
Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.
That was scary!
You should've seen Luke...
Women? Showers? We gotta save these people!
We weren’t sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was just amazing.
Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?
His name is Clyde.
Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.
Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
Don’t go surfing porn, that’s not the kinda whackin’ I mean.
If there's a key, then there has to be a lock.
He's giving you the full cowgirl.
Are you gonna take off the dead-guy robe?
He broke my spoon.
Are we in heaven? You must be angels!
You hid the Word of God in a diaper bag?
Details are everything. You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.
Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Sam's hair. Where are you gonna sleep?
You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.
There's actually fans. Not many of them, but still. For fans, they sure do complain a lot.
They're not incontinent.
You rocks think you’re so smart.
Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!
You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one.
We landed in some dimension where you’re Jensen Ackles and I’m something called a Jared Padalecki.
You know what, blow me Cas.
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here
That anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab..
House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.
We detoured eight hours so you could get laid?
You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don’t talk about it.
The whistle makes me their god.
There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.
Now, I assume it's because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.
I had my angel blade.
Hey, world's smallest violin, pal; I spent the afternoon up Christine's skirt. I needed a drink.
I learned that from the pizza man.
This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?
I’d be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish.
Accidents don’t just happen accidentally.
Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.
And then Sam touched...' No. '...caressed Dean's clavicle. 'This is wrong,' said Dean. 'Then I don't want to be right,' replied Sam, in a husky voice.
It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. Cas, get out of my ass!
So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!
I'm not Scully, you're Scully.
I lost my shoe.

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