Television Quiz / Supernatural Funny Quotes

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Can you identify who said these funny quotes from Supernatural?

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The kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.
Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.
Torture? Brilliant. Can’t wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S.A.M. into S&M.
I don't think you pronounced that correctly.
Maybe you should try plan 'D' for dumbass.
Now, I assume it's because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.
I'm a painted ****!
Women? Showers? We gotta save these people!
Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?
This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.
I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...
My voice is weird, and I've got like nine zits, and I have zero control over this; I mean it's up, it's down, it's up for no reason.
Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?
I don't understand that reference.
Okay, fellas, put the rulers away, zip up.
Thanks... now we done feeling our feelings? Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.
Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!
You say it and I will kill you,your children and your grandchildren!
Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?
So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!
My partner here, he just got back from the war. He just spent the last two years kicking in Nazi skulls. If he doesn’t kick in a skull every couple days, he gets real touchy.
Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.
Tori Spelling. I’m a huge fan. The girl’s a real talent.
Yes. I'll just.. wait here then.
It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. Cas, get out of my ass!
When you find God, tell Him to send legs!
Hey, world's smallest violin, pal; I spent the afternoon up Christine's skirt. I needed a drink.
Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Sam's hair. Where are you gonna sleep?
Whoa, hey, Miley Cyrus, settle.
It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?
I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.
Oh yeah, yeah, possums... possums kill, Sid.
Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.
You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!
Oh no, it's not safe up there. There's demons.
Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
Your, uhh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
So, we're looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?
You don't know what it's like to be human!
You’re not in my contacts list.
Mr. Big-Bad-Prison-Guard, Jimmy McMook give you the slip?
So... my demons were too polite?
I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.
I am not your aunt.
Oh, well, that's great, 'cause without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat.
They… they made me…slow dance!
Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
I lost my shoe.
Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress with his KY.
It's a part of you I never wanted to see Dean.
Oh, I'm not carrying that. It could go off. I'll man the flashlight.
Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke
You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don’t talk about it.
Why did you kill your husband?!
We landed in some dimension where you’re Jensen Ackles and I’m something called a Jared Padalecki.
Right, right, you'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices.
I miss you, PB and J.
Had a room until you two soiled it.
Nobody bad touched me, nobody burned me with their smokes or beat me with a metal hanger. I call that a win.
Girls. You’re my Marnie, Moose. And Hannah, she just needs to be loved. She deserves it, don’t we all? You, me, we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be
Oh my God- er- uh- I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you.
I torture all my friends; it's how I show love.
Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.
Listen here, chisel chest!
Last time you zapped me somewhere I didn't poop for a week!
Well I say... jackpot.
It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again.
It's the end, baby! That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?
Now I’m thinking about dad sex, stop talking.
This morning I had a menage a…what’s French for 12?
Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. You're welcome.
I'm very pop-culture savvy now.
Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.
I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!
What's in the box?!
What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?
Dudes time traveling through motel room closets, that's what we've come to?
Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.
That anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab..
I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.
How does paper beat a rock? It’s stupid.
I’ll pay you money if you sit still. This is like diffusing an IED with poop.
Sonny and Cher broke up?
Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.
Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! Fight the fairies!
That sling come with a slice of crybaby pie on the side?
Dude, you fugly
I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.
No chick flick moments.
We weren’t sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was just amazing.
Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.
I've been re-hymenated!
I could give two shakes of a rat’s ass. Is that right? Do rats shake their asses or is it something else?
Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called 'Dick?'
But you didn't shoot the deputy.
The real 'Mona Lisa,' where she's topless.
I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?
On a bender.
No, not really. We have guns and we will find you.
What kind of house doesn't have salt? Low sodium freaks!
Dude, you full-on had a girl inside you for like a whole week. That’s pretty naughty
You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--
You stink like sex.
A fish taco?
It's funnier in enochian.
Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.
That was scary!
Where's your moose?
I’ve got this killer mattress. Memory foam: It remembers me.
Yeah. Asian kid. Yay high. At a university. That should be easy.
Pull my finger.
Thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.
Or Sam will... what's the phrase? Blow your freakin brains out.
They burned down my house! They ate my tailor!
He broke my spoon.
You smell like a toilet.
Inside your duffel bag?
You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?
The lore says that Thinman hangs out by trees. And the woods is where trees hang out.
You can't spell subtext without s-e-x.
I'm not Scully, you're Scully.
When you’ve done this job for as long as I have, a giant from the future with some magic brick doesn’t exactly give you the vapors.
All business up front...and party in the back!
Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!
Is it customary to wear a blanket?
Do these tacos taste funny to you?
Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.
Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?
His name is Clyde.
He's adorable.
I don’t know. I don’t have any elephant books.
Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Since, let's see... mind your business.
He's giving you the full cowgirl.
This body is 100 percent socially conscious.I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.
Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.
You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one.
Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here
I never trust a guy who wears a sweater.
Lost count. It's in the low hundreds.
An animal, out here? You think it came for the sailing?
I'm Batman.
This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?
They're not incontinent.
You should've seen Luke...
You hid the Word of God in a diaper bag?
I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emoticons.
Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.
Hey assbutt!
It's a shortened version of my name.
No drinking, no gambling, no pre-marital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.
I miss conversations that didn't start with 'this killer truck'
‘Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home.
I’d be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish.
Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.
House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.
I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off.
... you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads. Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting U
Don't objectify me.
So, we got dick on Dick?
Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Summerset, Pennsylvania ten minutes ago.
So which one are you? Grumpy, Sleepy, or Douchey?
Either we got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew or we got a bunch of psychotic yokels grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it’s baby stew, which is bad
I'm sensing awkwardness.
Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!
Are you gonna take off the dead-guy robe?
Patience isn’t one of my virtues. Well, I don’t have any virtues, but if I did I’m certain that patience wouldn’t be one.
You sold your soul?!? Sold it? For an extra three inches of willy?
We need America. They're so fat.
I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.
You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.
You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you?
If you’re dead, you better stay dead, cuz if not, we’re gonna kill you
I've got... genital herpes.
Everybody loves bacon!
Just know that 99.99 percent of all clowns can’t hurt you.
And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.
It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
What’s a Snooki?
Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!
Okay. Hey, stay out of her underwear drawer.
Were you racing me?
Damn it, Cas! How many times I got to tell you – it's just creepy!
Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit.
When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex...
There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.
Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags!
Am I strange?
Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't going to mention it.
You’ve been eyeing my rack. Don’t sweat it kiddo, I’ve still got more senses than most.
Are we... should we uh... are we gonna kill this teddy bear?
No, He's not on any flatbread.
Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas
What do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude! You're not gonna poke her with a stick!
Get out of me.
Seriously Frank, pay phones? I’m getting the clap off this thing just touching it.
Why'd you have to use tongue?
Are we in heaven? You must be angels!
Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. Because, I mean, it kinda does.
Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.
This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?
You rode a farty donkey.
What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?
We’re not working for the Mandroid!
Don’t go surfing porn, that’s not the kinda whackin’ I mean.
I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Because you know me. I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse.
His name is Misha! ... Misha?!
Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah.
You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.
No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.
You have a guinea pig? Where?
That sounds like some very special snot.
Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.
Brains trumps legs apparently.
It's called anime. And it's an art form.
There is no singing in Supernatural.
Umm... Becky, can you... quit touching me?
Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!
I got it at the Hot Topical.
Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.
I hate witches. They're always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere.
She’s, uh, Glenn Close.
That's his serious face, yes.
I learned that from the pizza man.
Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.
You're the short bus, short bus...
It's like grumpy old men.
Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?
You won't forget the grocery shopping, will you?
Beer’s not food, it’s whatever water is.
Oh yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.
Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.
That's why we don't have nice things, Sam.
Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!
It's an alpaca, dumbass.
There's actually fans. Not many of them, but still. For fans, they sure do complain a lot.
I found a liquor store....and I drank it.
We detoured eight hours so you could get laid?
Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.
When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.
It's him, it's Dr. Sexy.
Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent.
Third kind already? Better run, man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing
You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it.
We talking, like, misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh... 'squeal like a pig' kind of trouble?
Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.
Newsflash pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am. You’re just bigger.
If there's a key, then there has to be a lock.
Do I look like Paris Hilton?
A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.
So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.
Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft?
She made us try on her panties. They were pink... and satin-y. And you know what? We kinda liked it.
I enjoyed the taste of food, particularly peanut butter with grape jelly. Not jam. Jam I found unsettling.
I had my angel blade.
Dean, I'm way too big to fit in that.
This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.
You rocks think you’re so smart.
Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whack-a-doo all over us. We'd rather not step in it
So, what's so important that you're the king of Hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?
Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?
He just learned how to poke on Facebook.
I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs, at least.
There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel, and uh, I liked it Sam. I liked it a lot.
Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.
And then Sam touched...' No. '...caressed Dean's clavicle. 'This is wrong,' said Dean. 'Then I don't want to be right,' replied Sam, in a husky voice.
You're lying to Sam like he's your wife, which kind of makes me your mistress.
You know what, blow me Cas.
A lot of 'thank you sir, can I have another hot poker up the jacksy?'
Eat me, Hasselhoff.
You goin' to a hoedown?
The whistle makes me their god.
Details are everything. You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.
Boy you put your foot on my table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!
He said you’d be all surly and premenstrual working with me
It was-it was a little, glowing... hot, naked lady, with nipples, and... she hit me.
This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?
Hand me your... walkie-talkie.
Misha? Jensen? What's with names around here?
'Soccer mom,' huh. I'll have to look that up on the 'Intranet'.
I don’t understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?
Uh, sweetie, before we go, I could remove that stick from...
No Garth, not me the FBI, the real FBI. How are you still alive?
Hello Crowley. You look stressed.
Oh, thank God, the angels are here.
Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.
Even as we speak, it's... going... down.
You may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.
Accidents don’t just happen accidentally.
Am I a zombie now? Do I need to eat brains?
Do you ever tire of urinating? I'll never get used to it.
Four score and seven years ago... I had a funny hat.
Cas, stop smelling the dead guy.
Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.

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