Television Quiz / Supernatural Funny Quotes

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Can you identify who said these funny quotes from Supernatural?

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You should've seen Luke...
Well I say... jackpot.
There's actually fans. Not many of them, but still. For fans, they sure do complain a lot.
You know what, blow me Cas.
When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.
I never trust a guy who wears a sweater.
It's a shortened version of my name.
That was scary!
She’s, uh, Glenn Close.
Listen here, chisel chest!
Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.
You smell like a toilet.
Details are everything. You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.
Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.
And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.
On a bender.
I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.
He broke my spoon.
Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah.
I got it at the Hot Topical.
What's in the box?!
That anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab..
I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.
Is it customary to wear a blanket?
No, He's not on any flatbread.
Misha? Jensen? What's with names around here?
When you’ve done this job for as long as I have, a giant from the future with some magic brick doesn’t exactly give you the vapors.
Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!
I'm very pop-culture savvy now.
Oh, thank God, the angels are here.
You say it and I will kill you,your children and your grandchildren!
It's him, it's Dr. Sexy.
Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Summerset, Pennsylvania ten minutes ago.
My voice is weird, and I've got like nine zits, and I have zero control over this; I mean it's up, it's down, it's up for no reason.
So, we got dick on Dick?
You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--
Are we... should we uh... are we gonna kill this teddy bear?
Had a room until you two soiled it.
'Soccer mom,' huh. I'll have to look that up on the 'Intranet'.
I'm sensing awkwardness.
Even as we speak, it's... going... down.
Seriously Frank, pay phones? I’m getting the clap off this thing just touching it.
What do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude! You're not gonna poke her with a stick!
Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!
There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel, and uh, I liked it Sam. I liked it a lot.
You have a guinea pig? Where?
You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it.
Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!
You won't forget the grocery shopping, will you?
Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.
Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.
Mr. Big-Bad-Prison-Guard, Jimmy McMook give you the slip?
Either we got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew or we got a bunch of psychotic yokels grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it’s baby stew, which is bad
Dude, you fugly
Last time you zapped me somewhere I didn't poop for a week!
Everybody loves bacon!
What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?
Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.
Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whack-a-doo all over us. We'd rather not step in it
That sling come with a slice of crybaby pie on the side?
His name is Clyde.
Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.
Do these tacos taste funny to you?
Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?
Thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.
Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?
They burned down my house! They ate my tailor!
She made us try on her panties. They were pink... and satin-y. And you know what? We kinda liked it.
What kind of house doesn't have salt? Low sodium freaks!
Eat me, Hasselhoff.
Dean, I'm way too big to fit in that.
Maybe you should try plan 'D' for dumbass.
Damn it, Cas! How many times I got to tell you – it's just creepy!
Yes. I'll just.. wait here then.
I could give two shakes of a rat’s ass. Is that right? Do rats shake their asses or is it something else?
Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.
We talking, like, misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh... 'squeal like a pig' kind of trouble?
Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.
A lot of 'thank you sir, can I have another hot poker up the jacksy?'
Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.
You can't spell subtext without s-e-x.
You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?
Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.
Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.
He just learned how to poke on Facebook.
I don’t understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?
Hand me your... walkie-talkie.
The kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
He's adorable.
Four score and seven years ago... I had a funny hat.
Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas
It's a part of you I never wanted to see Dean.
His name is Misha! ... Misha?!
It's called anime. And it's an art form.
I found a liquor store....and I drank it.
That's why we don't have nice things, Sam.
Beer’s not food, it’s whatever water is.
I don’t know. I don’t have any elephant books.
Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress with his KY.
Why did you kill your husband?!
I’ve got this killer mattress. Memory foam: It remembers me.
Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!
Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?
I've been re-hymenated!
Cas, stop smelling the dead guy.
Torture? Brilliant. Can’t wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S.A.M. into S&M.
Hey assbutt!
It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
Third kind already? Better run, man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing
I’d be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish.
Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.
This morning I had a menage a…what’s French for 12?
Why'd you have to use tongue?
I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!
Accidents don’t just happen accidentally.
Do you ever tire of urinating? I'll never get used to it.
Umm... Becky, can you... quit touching me?
Right, right, you'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices.
If there's a key, then there has to be a lock.
Am I a zombie now? Do I need to eat brains?
Brains trumps legs apparently.
Just know that 99.99 percent of all clowns can’t hurt you.
That's his serious face, yes.
Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called 'Dick?'
Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit.
... you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads. Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting U
The whistle makes me their god.
We’re not working for the Mandroid!
The lore says that Thinman hangs out by trees. And the woods is where trees hang out.
This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?
You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.
My partner here, he just got back from the war. He just spent the last two years kicking in Nazi skulls. If he doesn’t kick in a skull every couple days, he gets real touchy.
We weren’t sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was just amazing.
Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.
Tori Spelling. I’m a huge fan. The girl’s a real talent.
Boy you put your foot on my table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!
No chick flick moments.
Oh, well, that's great, 'cause without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat.
Okay, fellas, put the rulers away, zip up.
Oh, I'm not carrying that. It could go off. I'll man the flashlight.
Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!
If you’re dead, you better stay dead, cuz if not, we’re gonna kill you
Don’t go surfing porn, that’s not the kinda whackin’ I mean.
This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.
Your, uhh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
Now, I assume it's because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.
Newsflash pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am. You’re just bigger.
I torture all my friends; it's how I show love.
I enjoyed the taste of food, particularly peanut butter with grape jelly. Not jam. Jam I found unsettling.
I miss conversations that didn't start with 'this killer truck'
I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off.
They're not incontinent.
You sold your soul?!? Sold it? For an extra three inches of willy?
A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.
No Garth, not me the FBI, the real FBI. How are you still alive?
I lost my shoe.
Patience isn’t one of my virtues. Well, I don’t have any virtues, but if I did I’m certain that patience wouldn’t be one.
We detoured eight hours so you could get laid?
Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.
What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?
So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.
I hate witches. They're always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere.
The real 'Mona Lisa,' where she's topless.
I'm a painted ****!
Dudes time traveling through motel room closets, that's what we've come to?
Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.
I'm Batman.
Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.
Or Sam will... what's the phrase? Blow your freakin brains out.
I am not your aunt.
It's the end, baby! That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?
No, not really. We have guns and we will find you.
I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.
You may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.
You're lying to Sam like he's your wife, which kind of makes me your mistress.
Oh no, it's not safe up there. There's demons.
Hey, world's smallest violin, pal; I spent the afternoon up Christine's skirt. I needed a drink.
It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?
Yeah. Asian kid. Yay high. At a university. That should be easy.
Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't going to mention it.
I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.
I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.
You goin' to a hoedown?
It's an alpaca, dumbass.
I've got... genital herpes.
You’re not in my contacts list.
This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?
So, we're looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?
Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.
Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.
Inside your duffel bag?
Sonny and Cher broke up?
‘Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home.
You're the short bus, short bus...
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here
Oh yeah, yeah, possums... possums kill, Sid.
You don't know what it's like to be human!
Were you racing me?
You rocks think you’re so smart.
Are we in heaven? You must be angels!
It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
I don't think you pronounced that correctly.
How does paper beat a rock? It’s stupid.
You stink like sex.
You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don’t talk about it.
I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?
Oh yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.
That sounds like some very special snot.
Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.
You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one.
So... my demons were too polite?
Now I’m thinking about dad sex, stop talking.
You hid the Word of God in a diaper bag?
We landed in some dimension where you’re Jensen Ackles and I’m something called a Jared Padalecki.
What’s a Snooki?
They… they made me…slow dance!
So, what's so important that you're the king of Hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?
Thanks... now we done feeling our feelings? Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.
So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!
Are you gonna take off the dead-guy robe?
Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?
Okay. Hey, stay out of her underwear drawer.
We need America. They're so fat.
An animal, out here? You think it came for the sailing?
Nobody bad touched me, nobody burned me with their smokes or beat me with a metal hanger. I call that a win.
Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.
Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?
It was-it was a little, glowing... hot, naked lady, with nipples, and... she hit me.
Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.
Where's your moose?
House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.
I’ll pay you money if you sit still. This is like diffusing an IED with poop.
There is no singing in Supernatural.
It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. Cas, get out of my ass!
I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.
Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! Fight the fairies!
Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Since, let's see... mind your business.
I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...
You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. Because, I mean, it kinda does.
I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs, at least.
I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emoticons.
Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke
Get out of me.
He said you’d be all surly and premenstrual working with me
I learned that from the pizza man.
Pull my finger.
Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags!
I miss you, PB and J.
Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again.
Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?
Girls. You’re my Marnie, Moose. And Hannah, she just needs to be loved. She deserves it, don’t we all? You, me, we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be
Hello Crowley. You look stressed.
So which one are you? Grumpy, Sleepy, or Douchey?
I don't understand that reference.
It's like grumpy old men.
You rode a farty donkey.
Women? Showers? We gotta save these people!
I had my angel blade.
I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Because you know me. I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse.
Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
Uh, sweetie, before we go, I could remove that stick from...
Lost count. It's in the low hundreds.
Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent.
Dude, you full-on had a girl inside you for like a whole week. That’s pretty naughty
You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.
Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.
I'm not Scully, you're Scully.
This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?
But you didn't shoot the deputy.
Oh my God- er- uh- I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you.
Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Sam's hair. Where are you gonna sleep?
He's giving you the full cowgirl.
Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.
You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you?
No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.
Whoa, hey, Miley Cyrus, settle.
It's funnier in enochian.
Do I look like Paris Hilton?
And then Sam touched...' No. '...caressed Dean's clavicle. 'This is wrong,' said Dean. 'Then I don't want to be right,' replied Sam, in a husky voice.
Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.
When you find God, tell Him to send legs!
A fish taco?
Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?
All business up front...and party in the back!
Don't objectify me.
Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft?
You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!
Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.
You’ve been eyeing my rack. Don’t sweat it kiddo, I’ve still got more senses than most.
When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex...
Am I strange?
Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. You're welcome.
This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
No drinking, no gambling, no pre-marital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.
This body is 100 percent socially conscious.I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.
Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!

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