Television Quiz / Supernatural Funny Quotes

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Can you identify who said these funny quotes from Supernatural?

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No, not really. We have guns and we will find you.
I never trust a guy who wears a sweater.
Oh my God- er- uh- I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you.
Inside your duffel bag?
It's an alpaca, dumbass.
What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?
Oh, thank God, the angels are here.
No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.
I'm not Scully, you're Scully.
You stink like sex.
A lot of 'thank you sir, can I have another hot poker up the jacksy?'
Sonny and Cher broke up?
Umm... Becky, can you... quit touching me?
It's called anime. And it's an art form.
There's actually fans. Not many of them, but still. For fans, they sure do complain a lot.
You don't know what it's like to be human!
Why'd you have to use tongue?
Don't objectify me.
I’d be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish.
I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.
No chick flick moments.
You goin' to a hoedown?
Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?
I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.
He's giving you the full cowgirl.
Details are everything. You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.
Were you racing me?
This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?
Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.
You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. Because, I mean, it kinda does.
You won't forget the grocery shopping, will you?
I'm sensing awkwardness.
You’re not in my contacts list.
Now, I assume it's because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.
Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.
But you didn't shoot the deputy.
I got it at the Hot Topical.
Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called 'Dick?'
I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?
Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.
He's adorable.
No drinking, no gambling, no pre-marital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.
Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?
That sounds like some very special snot.
Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't going to mention it.
So... my demons were too polite?
‘Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home.
We weren’t sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was just amazing.
Are we... should we uh... are we gonna kill this teddy bear?
Your, uhh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
I don't think you pronounced that correctly.
Misha? Jensen? What's with names around here?
I am not your aunt.
What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?
I'm Batman.
Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.
Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?
Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.
Hand me your... walkie-talkie.
No Garth, not me the FBI, the real FBI. How are you still alive?
You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don’t talk about it.
On a bender.
And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.
Hey, world's smallest violin, pal; I spent the afternoon up Christine's skirt. I needed a drink.
This body is 100 percent socially conscious.I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.
Is it customary to wear a blanket?
Right, right, you'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices.
It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?
Accidents don’t just happen accidentally.
She made us try on her panties. They were pink... and satin-y. And you know what? We kinda liked it.
Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.
Am I strange?
You have a guinea pig? Where?
Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.
Oh no, it's not safe up there. There's demons.
So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!
That was scary!
The kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?
I’ll pay you money if you sit still. This is like diffusing an IED with poop.
I could give two shakes of a rat’s ass. Is that right? Do rats shake their asses or is it something else?
Just know that 99.99 percent of all clowns can’t hurt you.
So, what's so important that you're the king of Hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?
So, we got dick on Dick?
You rocks think you’re so smart.
Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
I found a liquor store....and I drank it.
You hid the Word of God in a diaper bag?
Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.
It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. Cas, get out of my ass!
I torture all my friends; it's how I show love.
I’ve got this killer mattress. Memory foam: It remembers me.
If there's a key, then there has to be a lock.
What’s a Snooki?
Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.
Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!
It's a part of you I never wanted to see Dean.
Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?
Four score and seven years ago... I had a funny hat.
The lore says that Thinman hangs out by trees. And the woods is where trees hang out.
House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.
I don't understand that reference.
Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!
That anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab..
This morning I had a menage a…what’s French for 12?
Hello Crowley. You look stressed.
It's him, it's Dr. Sexy.
There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.
I hate witches. They're always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere.
Dude, you full-on had a girl inside you for like a whole week. That’s pretty naughty
Thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.
This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.
Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!
Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.
You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?
I lost my shoe.
Either we got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew or we got a bunch of psychotic yokels grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it’s baby stew, which is bad
He broke my spoon.
No, He's not on any flatbread.
Maybe you should try plan 'D' for dumbass.
Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.
Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft?
I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.
Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Sam's hair. Where are you gonna sleep?
This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
Nobody bad touched me, nobody burned me with their smokes or beat me with a metal hanger. I call that a win.
Why did you kill your husband?!
Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!
Okay, fellas, put the rulers away, zip up.
Don’t go surfing porn, that’s not the kinda whackin’ I mean.
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here
Where's your moose?
Oh yeah, yeah, possums... possums kill, Sid.
It's a shortened version of my name.
My voice is weird, and I've got like nine zits, and I have zero control over this; I mean it's up, it's down, it's up for no reason.
Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah.
Girls. You’re my Marnie, Moose. And Hannah, she just needs to be loved. She deserves it, don’t we all? You, me, we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be
Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. You're welcome.
Even as we speak, it's... going... down.
Dudes time traveling through motel room closets, that's what we've come to?
'Soccer mom,' huh. I'll have to look that up on the 'Intranet'.
Damn it, Cas! How many times I got to tell you – it's just creepy!
Oh, I'm not carrying that. It could go off. I'll man the flashlight.
Boy you put your foot on my table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!
We detoured eight hours so you could get laid?
Third kind already? Better run, man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing
I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs, at least.
Do these tacos taste funny to you?
Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent.
Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
I had my angel blade.
It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! Fight the fairies!
You can't spell subtext without s-e-x.
Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke
Whoa, hey, Miley Cyrus, settle.
You rode a farty donkey.
They burned down my house! They ate my tailor!
I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...
You say it and I will kill you,your children and your grandchildren!
And then Sam touched...' No. '...caressed Dean's clavicle. 'This is wrong,' said Dean. 'Then I don't want to be right,' replied Sam, in a husky voice.
You should've seen Luke...
You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you?
Everybody loves bacon!
You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one.
There is no singing in Supernatural.
It's the end, baby! That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?
This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?
Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags!
The real 'Mona Lisa,' where she's topless.
It was-it was a little, glowing... hot, naked lady, with nipples, and... she hit me.
I'm a painted ****!
Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.
That's his serious face, yes.
Patience isn’t one of my virtues. Well, I don’t have any virtues, but if I did I’m certain that patience wouldn’t be one.
I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.
We need America. They're so fat.
All business up front...and party in the back!
Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Since, let's see... mind your business.
Lost count. It's in the low hundreds.
Dude, you fugly
You sold your soul?!? Sold it? For an extra three inches of willy?
So which one are you? Grumpy, Sleepy, or Douchey?
When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex...
So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.
Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Summerset, Pennsylvania ten minutes ago.
Pull my finger.
Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit.
You're lying to Sam like he's your wife, which kind of makes me your mistress.
Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.
His name is Clyde.
Seriously Frank, pay phones? I’m getting the clap off this thing just touching it.
Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!
I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.
When you find God, tell Him to send legs!
When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.
Women? Showers? We gotta save these people!
Eat me, Hasselhoff.
Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.
Thanks... now we done feeling our feelings? Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.
Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whack-a-doo all over us. We'd rather not step in it
Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.
I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off.
A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.
Or Sam will... what's the phrase? Blow your freakin brains out.
It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?
Get out of me.
I miss conversations that didn't start with 'this killer truck'
If you’re dead, you better stay dead, cuz if not, we’re gonna kill you
You may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.
Yeah. Asian kid. Yay high. At a university. That should be easy.
Now I’m thinking about dad sex, stop talking.
I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Because you know me. I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse.
I've got... genital herpes.
Are we in heaven? You must be angels!
Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?
You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!
Brains trumps legs apparently.
She’s, uh, Glenn Close.
We talking, like, misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh... 'squeal like a pig' kind of trouble?
Oh, well, that's great, 'cause without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat.
They're not incontinent.
Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?
We’re not working for the Mandroid!
Okay. Hey, stay out of her underwear drawer.
Do I look like Paris Hilton?
A fish taco?
Oh yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.
Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!
The whistle makes me their god.
Dean, I'm way too big to fit in that.
What do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude! You're not gonna poke her with a stick!
Cas, stop smelling the dead guy.
Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.
Tori Spelling. I’m a huge fan. The girl’s a real talent.
It's like grumpy old men.
There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel, and uh, I liked it Sam. I liked it a lot.
You’ve been eyeing my rack. Don’t sweat it kiddo, I’ve still got more senses than most.
Had a room until you two soiled it.
I miss you, PB and J.
Torture? Brilliant. Can’t wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S.A.M. into S&M.
Newsflash pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am. You’re just bigger.
Last time you zapped me somewhere I didn't poop for a week!
Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.
I learned that from the pizza man.
I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!
You're the short bus, short bus...
You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--
Beer’s not food, it’s whatever water is.
Hey assbutt!
How does paper beat a rock? It’s stupid.
You know what, blow me Cas.
You smell like a toilet.
Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.
Mr. Big-Bad-Prison-Guard, Jimmy McMook give you the slip?
I don’t know. I don’t have any elephant books.
I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emoticons.
You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it.
I'm very pop-culture savvy now.
... you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads. Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting U
That's why we don't have nice things, Sam.
Am I a zombie now? Do I need to eat brains?
Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress with his KY.
His name is Misha! ... Misha?!
Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again.
My partner here, he just got back from the war. He just spent the last two years kicking in Nazi skulls. If he doesn’t kick in a skull every couple days, he gets real touchy.
Yes. I'll just.. wait here then.
You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.
So, we're looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?
Uh, sweetie, before we go, I could remove that stick from...
An animal, out here? You think it came for the sailing?
They… they made me…slow dance!
Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.
You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.
What kind of house doesn't have salt? Low sodium freaks!
That sling come with a slice of crybaby pie on the side?
Well I say... jackpot.
He just learned how to poke on Facebook.
Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas
It's funnier in enochian.
We landed in some dimension where you’re Jensen Ackles and I’m something called a Jared Padalecki.
Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.
What's in the box?!
Listen here, chisel chest!
Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.
Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.
Are you gonna take off the dead-guy robe?
When you’ve done this job for as long as I have, a giant from the future with some magic brick doesn’t exactly give you the vapors.
Do you ever tire of urinating? I'll never get used to it.
I don’t understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?
Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.
Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.
He said you’d be all surly and premenstrual working with me
I enjoyed the taste of food, particularly peanut butter with grape jelly. Not jam. Jam I found unsettling.
I've been re-hymenated!

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