Television Quiz / Supernatural Funny Quotes

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Can you identify who said these funny quotes from Supernatural?

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You goin' to a hoedown?
Hey, world's smallest violin, pal; I spent the afternoon up Christine's skirt. I needed a drink.
What's in the box?!
You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?
No Garth, not me the FBI, the real FBI. How are you still alive?
You have a guinea pig? Where?
No, He's not on any flatbread.
Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent.
Why did you kill your husband?!
I had my angel blade.
Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! Fight the fairies!
His name is Misha! ... Misha?!
You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--
I'm sensing awkwardness.
Women? Showers? We gotta save these people!
Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?
So, we're looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?
A fish taco?
Right, right, you'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices.
I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...
What do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? Dude! You're not gonna poke her with a stick!
You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.
Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.
Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft?
So which one are you? Grumpy, Sleepy, or Douchey?
I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.
Oh yeah, yeah, possums... possums kill, Sid.
Had a room until you two soiled it.
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here
This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?
You're lying to Sam like he's your wife, which kind of makes me your mistress.
My partner here, he just got back from the war. He just spent the last two years kicking in Nazi skulls. If he doesn’t kick in a skull every couple days, he gets real touchy.
When you’ve done this job for as long as I have, a giant from the future with some magic brick doesn’t exactly give you the vapors.
Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.
Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.
Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.
Maybe you should try plan 'D' for dumbass.
Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.
You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don’t talk about it.
Oh yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.
It's like grumpy old men.
Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
Now I’m thinking about dad sex, stop talking.
Mr. Big-Bad-Prison-Guard, Jimmy McMook give you the slip?
Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.
I could give two shakes of a rat’s ass. Is that right? Do rats shake their asses or is it something else?
Third kind already? Better run, man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing
I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.
I found a liquor store....and I drank it.
Oh no, it's not safe up there. There's demons.
A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.
I've got... genital herpes.
I learned that from the pizza man.
I don't think you pronounced that correctly.
Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't going to mention it.
We talking, like, misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh... 'squeal like a pig' kind of trouble?
I got it at the Hot Topical.
But you didn't shoot the deputy.
Brains trumps legs apparently.
You may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.
That sling come with a slice of crybaby pie on the side?
I never trust a guy who wears a sweater.
He just learned how to poke on Facebook.
Am I strange?
I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs, at least.
And then Sam touched...' No. '...caressed Dean's clavicle. 'This is wrong,' said Dean. 'Then I don't want to be right,' replied Sam, in a husky voice.
Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah.
I miss conversations that didn't start with 'this killer truck'
Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. You're welcome.
It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?
This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?
The whistle makes me their god.
Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress with his KY.
Dean, I'm way too big to fit in that.
Misha? Jensen? What's with names around here?
Girls. You’re my Marnie, Moose. And Hannah, she just needs to be loved. She deserves it, don’t we all? You, me, we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be
You don't know what it's like to be human!
So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!
Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!
Don’t go surfing porn, that’s not the kinda whackin’ I mean.
He broke my spoon.
Lost count. It's in the low hundreds.
Whoa, hey, Miley Cyrus, settle.
Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.
Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.
Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Since, let's see... mind your business.
Cas, stop smelling the dead guy.
Oh, thank God, the angels are here.
An animal, out here? You think it came for the sailing?
Nobody bad touched me, nobody burned me with their smokes or beat me with a metal hanger. I call that a win.
Damn it, Cas! How many times I got to tell you – it's just creepy!
The kid needs to eat something that’s not ground-up hooves and pigs’ anuses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.
We’re not working for the Mandroid!
Okay, fellas, put the rulers away, zip up.
He's adorable.
So... my demons were too polite?
Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.
Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.
‘Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home.
You sold your soul?!? Sold it? For an extra three inches of willy?
Your phallus on wheels just ran a red light in Summerset, Pennsylvania ten minutes ago.
You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!
I’ve got this killer mattress. Memory foam: It remembers me.
She’s, uh, Glenn Close.
I'm very pop-culture savvy now.
Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again.
We detoured eight hours so you could get laid?
It's the end, baby! That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?
Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.
What’s a Snooki?
Is it customary to wear a blanket?
Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?
I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?
Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.
Don't objectify me.
You stink like sex.
Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?
Accidents don’t just happen accidentally.
This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.
What kind of house doesn't have salt? Low sodium freaks!
I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.
This body is 100 percent socially conscious.I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.
It's a shortened version of my name.
Thanks... now we done feeling our feelings? Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.
I don’t understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?
Inside your duffel bag?
Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Sam's hair. Where are you gonna sleep?
If you’re dead, you better stay dead, cuz if not, we’re gonna kill you
I am not your aunt.
You know what, blow me Cas.
I torture all my friends; it's how I show love.
My voice is weird, and I've got like nine zits, and I have zero control over this; I mean it's up, it's down, it's up for no reason.
So, what's so important that you're the king of Hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?
Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!
When you find God, tell Him to send legs!
Get out of me.
Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.
And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.
Sonny and Cher broke up?
I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!
Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?
I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.
I'm a painted ****!
You hid the Word of God in a diaper bag?
So, we got dick on Dick?
You're the short bus, short bus...
Umm... Becky, can you... quit touching me?
Beer’s not food, it’s whatever water is.
Okay. Hey, stay out of her underwear drawer.
There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.
Hey assbutt!
It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
We weren’t sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was just amazing.
Calm down? I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags!
You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one.
Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.
Seriously Frank, pay phones? I’m getting the clap off this thing just touching it.
Do I look like Paris Hilton?
Hello Crowley. You look stressed.
She made us try on her panties. They were pink... and satin-y. And you know what? We kinda liked it.
Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.
Pull my finger.
Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.
What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?
Details are everything. You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.
That was scary!
So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.
Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!
I lost my shoe.
Are we... should we uh... are we gonna kill this teddy bear?
Tori Spelling. I’m a huge fan. The girl’s a real talent.
We need America. They're so fat.
Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
They burned down my house! They ate my tailor!
I enjoyed the taste of food, particularly peanut butter with grape jelly. Not jam. Jam I found unsettling.
Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.
Do these tacos taste funny to you?
Your, uhh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
I hate witches. They're always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere.
There is no singing in Supernatural.
The lore says that Thinman hangs out by trees. And the woods is where trees hang out.
His name is Clyde.
Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!
I've been re-hymenated!
When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.
Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called 'Dick?'
You’re not in my contacts list.
He's giving you the full cowgirl.
Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.
You rode a farty donkey.
Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit.
Four score and seven years ago... I had a funny hat.
This morning I had a menage a…what’s French for 12?
You rocks think you’re so smart.
Oh my God- er- uh- I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you.
House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.
I miss you, PB and J.
Uh, sweetie, before we go, I could remove that stick from...
Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whack-a-doo all over us. We'd rather not step in it
You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.
He said you’d be all surly and premenstrual working with me
Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?
Last time you zapped me somewhere I didn't poop for a week!
I'm Batman.
No drinking, no gambling, no pre-marital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.
On a bender.
It's a part of you I never wanted to see Dean.
I don't understand that reference.
I'm not Scully, you're Scully.
How does paper beat a rock? It’s stupid.
You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it.
It was-it was a little, glowing... hot, naked lady, with nipples, and... she hit me.
It's called anime. And it's an art form.
'Soccer mom,' huh. I'll have to look that up on the 'Intranet'.
Do you ever tire of urinating? I'll never get used to it.
... you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads. Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting U
Oh, well, that's great, 'cause without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat.
It's funnier in enochian.
Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!
Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.
Thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.
Either we got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew or we got a bunch of psychotic yokels grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it’s baby stew, which is bad
They… they made me…slow dance!
You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. Because, I mean, it kinda does.
Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.
Dude, you full-on had a girl inside you for like a whole week. That’s pretty naughty
Yes. I'll just.. wait here then.
No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.
Dude, you fugly
There's actually fans. Not many of them, but still. For fans, they sure do complain a lot.
That anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab..
What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?
Or Sam will... what's the phrase? Blow your freakin brains out.
Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.
Are we in heaven? You must be angels!
Well I say... jackpot.
The real 'Mona Lisa,' where she's topless.
All business up front...and party in the back!
Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.
That's his serious face, yes.
There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel, and uh, I liked it Sam. I liked it a lot.
Hand me your... walkie-talkie.
Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!
You won't forget the grocery shopping, will you?
Even as we speak, it's... going... down.
Why'd you have to use tongue?
I’ll pay you money if you sit still. This is like diffusing an IED with poop.
Were you racing me?
You’ve been eyeing my rack. Don’t sweat it kiddo, I’ve still got more senses than most.
We landed in some dimension where you’re Jensen Ackles and I’m something called a Jared Padalecki.
Torture? Brilliant. Can’t wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S.A.M. into S&M.
Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke
If there's a key, then there has to be a lock.
Are you gonna take off the dead-guy robe?
It's an alpaca, dumbass.
Yeah. Asian kid. Yay high. At a university. That should be easy.
Am I a zombie now? Do I need to eat brains?
I don’t know. I don’t have any elephant books.
You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you?
Patience isn’t one of my virtues. Well, I don’t have any virtues, but if I did I’m certain that patience wouldn’t be one.
It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. Cas, get out of my ass!
Where's your moose?
This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?
This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.
Eat me, Hasselhoff.
Oh, I'm not carrying that. It could go off. I'll man the flashlight.
Just know that 99.99 percent of all clowns can’t hurt you.
Listen here, chisel chest!
I’d be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish.
You smell like a toilet.
Boy you put your foot on my table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!
No, not really. We have guns and we will find you.
You say it and I will kill you,your children and your grandchildren!
Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas
That sounds like some very special snot.
When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex...
I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.
I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emoticons.
A lot of 'thank you sir, can I have another hot poker up the jacksy?'
No chick flick moments.
It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?
Newsflash pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am. You’re just bigger.
It's him, it's Dr. Sexy.
You can't spell subtext without s-e-x.
Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?
Now, I assume it's because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.
Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.
I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off.
I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Because you know me. I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse.
You should've seen Luke...
Everybody loves bacon!
Dudes time traveling through motel room closets, that's what we've come to?
They're not incontinent.
That's why we don't have nice things, Sam.
Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.

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