'This is just a bit of seasonal frippery and, I may say, rampantly commercial. My mother's already bought my presents. I instructed her as to the right ones, of course.'
'Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get.'
'Though here's a tip, though. Just 'ho, ho, ho' will do. Don't say, 'Cower, brief mortals' unless you want them to grow up to be moneylenders or some such.'
'It's the hope that's important. Big part of belief. Give people jam today and they'll sit and eat it. Jam tomorrow, now- that'll keep them going forever.'
Children, said another. Who would have thought it? But today the children, tomorrow the world.
'Dere's got to be a Hogfather...Dere's always a Hogfather.'
'I don’t even drink! Ow! But who is it who ends up head down in the privy every morning? Arrgh…Should your skull feel like it's lined with dog hair?'
'Oh, me.'
NO. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?
'We call it the Fast of St. Ossory…But it is not an occasion for superstition and crass commercialism. We simply get together in family groups for a prayer meeting and a fast.'
YES. THERE ARE RULES. BUT YOU BROKE THEM. HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU?
'They got the teeth! All of them! They just walked in…and…they…no, wait…' He faded and was gone.
+++ It Follows That If A Major Focus Of Belief Is Removed, There Will Be Spare Belief +++
'Now, miss, you know the rules! I don't get bitten, I don't get me froat torn out and no one hides behind me door! And you don't try your granddad's voice on me!'
'I resent the implication that I am solely fern fixated…I can also do a very nice paisley pattern.'
'She wasn't necessary. Few people are.'
'Banjo has the heart of a little child…I believe I have, too.'
'A thief? Me? I'm not a thief, madam. But if I were, I would be the kind that steals fire from the gods.'
'You have actually devoted time to considering how to inhume the Hogfather? You've sat down and thought out how to do it? You've actually devoted your spare time to the problem?'
'You need a good hiding, Banjo? You been playing with girls again?'
'What's up with you?' he said. 'All of you- you're acting like little kids!'
This whole business was getting on his nerves. Usually, he didn't even notice that he had any. There was a wrongness to everything that grated on his bones.
'You must think I was born yesterday, you slimy little bugger. I know your type. You think it's all some kind of game.'
'You do? You don't! That's our Merchandise! You can't give it away! Hogswatch isn't about giving it all away!'
'Wow-wow sauce. Finest condiment known to man. A happy accompaniment to meat, fish, fowl, eggs and many types of vegetable dishes.'
'Oh, can't be too careful…Get hold of something like someone's nail clipping and you've got 'em under your control. That's real old magic. Dawn-of-time stuff.'
'I could certainly run a marvelous university here if only we didn't have these damn students underfoot all the time.'
I saw this in Bows and Ammo! It got Editor's Choice in the 'What to Buy When Rich Uncle Sidney Dies' category! They had to break both the reviewer's arms to get him to let go of it
'They always gives me bath salts…bath soap and bubble bath and herbal bath lumps and tons of bath stuff...I can't think why, 'cos it's not as if I hardly ever has a bath'
'I don't actually think that I want to tell the Archchancellor that the machine stops working if we take its fluffy teddy bear away. I just don't want to live in that kind of world
'Do I see eyeballs? Do I see entrails? I think not. Most intelligent bird in the temperate latitudes an' I get the cold shoulder just because I can't hang upside down and go twit.'
'The rat said you ought to be warned even if you were crazy…I didn't want to come, there's a donkey dropped dead just outside the city gate, be lucky now if I get a hoof-'
His mother had wanted him to learn his letters and be a wizard, but she also thought that long curls on a five-year-old boy looked very smart.
'WHERE DOES SHE LIVE, IGOR?'
'I can remember things. Things that haven't happened yet.'
It was so easy to slip into immortality, to ride the horse, to know everything. And every time you did, it brought closer the day when you could never get off and never forget.
'Horrid' is a childish word selected to impress nearby males with one's fragility, if I'm any judge. She knew it was unkind and counterproductive of her to think like that.
'I was the dark in the cave! I was the shadow in the trees! You've heard about…the primal scream? That was…at me! I was…'
'You said I musn't. You said that exaggerated lisping is a hanging offense and I only do it to get attention.'
'No! I've never been here before! They had a bag on my head when we came! All I ever did was take the teeth from under the pillows!'
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