Thank you, _____, for making my Lego Men seem more 'gangsta.'
Thank you, _____, for having the least easy-to-say name of any show on television. And thanks for being needlessly accusatory, as though I'm going around bragging that I can dance. I never claimed that I could dance. What's your problem, anyway?
Thank you _____ who isn't pulling his weight, for letting me handle all the pushing responsibilities while you handle all the waiting responsibilities. No, let me get it for you. You're the king of the hotel entrance.
Thank you, the word _____, for being the worst word ever. I think I speak for all Americans when I say that we don't want you as a word anymore. God I hate you.
Thank you, _____, for always cheerfully and professionally letting me know who was murdered today.
Thank you, _____, for starting with two L's. I'm glad both those 'L's' were there because, otherwise, I would have called you 'Loyd'.
Thank you, _____, for passing the torch to me. Hopefully it doesn't get intercepted by a Seahawk.
Thank you, _____, for being totally not cool. Unless my friends think it’s cool, then it’s pretty cool I guess.
Thank you, _____, for looking like I already ate you before I eat you.
Thank you, New Jersey governor, _____, for going back for seconds.
Thank you, _____, for being a great combination between wheat and envelopes.
Thank you, _____, for basically telling your eyebrows, we don't trust you to get the job done.
Thank you, _____, for being time outs for adults.
Thank you, _____, for making my grandmother's hair look delicious.
Thank you, _____, for making my alcoholism seem like a neat hobby.
Thank you, _____, for helping me cook and for never mentioning how you lost a finger.
Thank you, _____, for being the Gilbert Gottfried of the keyboard.
Thank you, _____, for being an excuse to drink with someone else's shoes on.
Thank you, _____, for showing me what it looks like when two people in bathrobes get mad at each other.
Thank you, _____, for allowing me to pay $1,000 to make my own drinks.
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