Klinger: Some North Korean prisoners have been released in the area. An attractive person like yourself might be in danger.
Private Goldman: Klinger, I'm here to relieve you.
Radar: We never had cheerleaders.
Hawkeye: Let's ask the average G.I. Excuse me, sir. I have a question for you.
Frank: Will you guys pipe down? There's a doctor trying to sleep here!
Radar: I'm trying to reach Major Houlihan. Frank: You mean Major Houlihan, sir.
Frank: You used my shirt as a basketball?
Frank: I said I'm sorry. What more can I do?
Hawkeye: Frank, stop acting like a sniveling idiot.
Frank: Sir, I think the Chinese have captured Major Houlihan.
Radar: Oh, well, nudidity makes me breathe funny.
Potter: I agree he's a pain in the neck.
Potter: But you've got to give him an 'A' for resourcefulness.
Radar: Excuse me, sirs. I was just looking in the nurses' showers.
Potter: Well, I'd better turn this over to Intelligence.
Frank: Sir, I'm willing to help in any way I can. I know I'm a real asset.
Radar: I'm telling you, Sparky, it's weird. I mean, if a full-size person like Major Houlihan can just disappear, think what could happen to my rabbit.
Flagg: Okay, pip-squeak, what tipped you off?
Flagg: Nobody tells anyone I'm anywhere.
Flagg: Well, I'm off.
Flagg: What happened to your leg?
Flagg: Where's Houlihan?
Flagg: That's insubordination. You do that to me one more time and I'm entitled to...bite off your left ear. Just food for thought.
Frank: But sir, it's only Reader's Digest.
Flagg: They don't do three shows Saturday night at the Sands. Hawkeye: How do you know?
Flagg: Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is.
Flagg: I only sit two minutes a day.
Hawkeye: Why stop there? Why don't we just drop an atomic bomb?
B.J.: Oh, Klinger, he probably forgot. His mind isn't what it used to be.
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