Television Quiz / Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
To read makes our speaking English good.
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
Your shirt...
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
No such animal.
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
Hey that's cheating!
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
Hello salty goodness.
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
Thank God we're pretty.
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
Very Juice Newton.
Ass-pansy!
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
Two men enter. One man leaves.
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?
His physical presence has a penis!
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
That is such a twinkie defense.
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.
Oh penis!
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
You mean he actually says Eureka?
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
I left my bra in his car.
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
So pretty. Can I have one?
Um. I have a really bad idea.
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
Someone needs a hug.
It eats you starting with your bottom.
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
Spank us till Tuesday.
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
Schpadoinkle.
I saw you in bed.
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
You're a bloody puppet!
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
It's the end of the world.
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.

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