Television / Friends: Who Said it?

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Can you name the Friends character (Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe or Joey) who said the following quote?

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QuoteCharacter
'You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, 'I'm not fired.' Ha.'
'You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*! '
'All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.'
'If she wanted to be more like me, why couldn't she just copy my hairstyle or something?'
'Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling. '
'Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce.'
'Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches. '
'Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition.'
'You're over me? When were you... under me?'
'I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? '
'They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my father, I got great boots boots!'
'Wasn't it supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now?'
QuoteCharacter
'Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes?!'
'All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for. '
'I don't want my baby's first words to be 'How You Doing' '
'Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?'
'I hate his underwear. One time I bought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there. '
'Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.'
'I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees. '
'If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.'
'Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? '
'Hey you know what I just realized?, Joker is Poker with a J! — Coincidence?'
'Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster. '
'Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money? '

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