Fish: for sport only, not for meat.
Crying: acceptable at funerals and
Then I want a janitor. They can do what you do right?
Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have…
They have one called the 'Meat Tornado.' Literally killed a guy last year.
I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department...
'Pawnee: Birthplace of Julia Roberts.'
And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson,
My ex-wife, Tammy, likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing okay, and if I am,
Should we throw in some salads for a healthy option?
I didn't shave it off. It rubbed off...
Calzones are like pizzas but they're harder to eat.
This is so awesome. We are like Robin Hood.
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.'
Fishing relaxes me.
So not only does this thing exist,
I love Food and Stuff. It's where I buy all of my food...
That's what you see when you close your eyes at night, Jerry:
Brandi, how would you define pornography?
but if you think for one second that I'm not also gonna get that marshmallow shooter so I can shoot you in the face with marshmallows when you're asleep,
I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Yeah you gotta dream up some weird scenario like you're her boss and sex is forbidden because she works for you.
I'm like an elephant, OK?
It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on the taxpayers' teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
Catching the number 12 bus to Satan's butthole?
I have cried twice in my life. Once, when I was 7 and was hit by a bus,
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