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Because it's not a good idea to have 'gambling' as a team moniker in professional sports--you may as well hire Pete Rose as your coach
Because if you named a team after this victim of Jules and Vincent, the league would have to revert to the metric system
Because naming a NY team after country music star Atkins might upset everyone south of the Mason-Dixon line--and above it
Because having a team that coincides with financial trouble will not absolve you from charging $18 for a hot dog and a beer
Because if this was your team name, fans would be confused on whether to root for the worrywarts or the guitar parts
Because nobody wants to root for the 'Voided Tennis Serves'
Because it would be silly to have a mascot that's a hamster or a teacher's favorite
Because if asked whether or not your team would make the playoffs, people would reply, 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn'
Because a team named after soaking flax or hemp does not make for a very intimidating mascot
Because even if you meant to name your team after the Egyptian god of storms, people would still confuse your team with volleyball plays
Because players perspire enough--no need to name a franchise after it
Because naming a team after a communist offensive during the Vietnam War might be frowned upon in the States
Because it would be oxymoronic to have any rookies playing on this team
Because professional athletes get into enough trouble as it is--there's no need to name them after ultimatums
Because calling your team the plural of sogginess or soaked is moronic
Because the A's have already embraced the contraction
Because a team that means 'reversing a deletion' sounds too close to officials reversing calls
Because if you essentially name your team the Acquires, the only thing you're going to acquire is ridicule
