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I'm bored watching these dogs play happily together - hmm… what if I got them to fight?
Well, I've been sent off already, and now this guy in the crowd is shouting at me - might as well show off my mad Bruce Lee skillz… Hai-yah!
I really should've eaten before the fight - oh, what have we 'ear?
This basketball lark is a bit too easy - maybe I'd be better off playing baseball.
I'm sure making a few bets won't affect my place in the Hall of Fame…
I know how I can beat that Kerrigan woman - with a hit-man and a crowbar!
I'll put these uppity feminists in their place - by thrashing Billie Jean King.
Well, all the hitters are popping steroids like candy, but we're getting better ratings, so I should probably just do nothing.
This pitcher Babe Ruth ain't getting a pay rise out of me - I'll just ship him out to the Yankees.
Should I go to the toilet before the race? No, I can just go halfway round - it's not as if there are many cameras.
There goes Maradona, jumping up against Shilton, solid punch into the net - that looks like a perfectly fair goal to me.
OK, what do I need for an evening at the club? I've got keys, wallet, handgun - let's go!
Right, let's hit the pool and then take some hits from the bong.
The Jets are so lucky to have me - I'm sure all the girls here would love a bit of my attention…
Right, so there's a photo of me with an illegal IV drip, where should I hide it? I know, Instagram!
My last name is a bit dull - what if I changed it to a number?
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