'Oh. My wife ordered one of those Tony Little Gazelles off the television... I don't know about that guy. He doesn't look right.'
''Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other.' Aw... all that's missing is your bastard!'
'I'm gonna stop wearing underwear. Raise my sperm count.'
'That ain't no Etch-a-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet.'
'When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All i see is pork swords.'
'You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.'
'You're quite the sellout, Mark. I mean... what would the Melvins say?'
'You're not going to be a pop-pop. Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation.'
'Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are.'
'Madison? Isn't that a little... gay?'
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