Television Quiz / Parks and Rec: The Sapersteins

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Can you name the correct Saperstein which said the quote?

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Luckily my grandfather just died, so I am flushed with cash!
You want this. I want this. TH wants this. So let's just seal this devil's three-way right here, right now.
All the times you were like 'Tom's no good for you' and all the times you tried to break it off with me: I finally get it. You guys want a threesome.
I don't get anything until I'm 50. Which is a waste because I'm going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then. Eating dolphinand hanging out with lady singers.
Ben. Is that your real name? You can do better than that. I'm gonna help you out right now. Your new name is Angelo.
Yo B to the O to the double S; do what he say and you'll be success...ful.
I'm gassy. Let's make out.
I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.
Actually I hate the name Angelo; I'm gonna switch it up for you right now. Your new name is Jello Shot. What do you think about that J-Shot?
It is kind of a sausage party in here. For the record: would hit it; would hit; would hit... Hard pass.
You see, my resume might not actually be accurate, right? So I have no idea what you're talking about. Don't know what Quickbooks are.
Clubs. Girls. Naked. Mom?! Argument. Police. Fleeing the scene. Hiding in a dumpster. Coming, crashing on your couch for a week 'cause technically I'm homeless.
One time I waited outside a woman's house for five days just to show her how serious I was about drilling her. Turns out, it was the wrong house.
I don't eff with poorsies. But thanks to my new best friend, I don't have to. We're done; you're awesome; let's go dance!
Two people on stage; they flip a coin. One of the people has to perform open-heart surgery the other one has to receive open-heart surgery. We call it Open Heart Surgery.
R to the O to the N then I say Swanson; Got swagger the size of Big Ben.. clock
I'm bored. We're gonna go have sex in a tree. He'll be back in eight minutes.
My dad never gives up on anything. Except for my mom. When she turned 30, he was like, ‘GET OUT.'

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