Autotune the News #1 ('I just think it's very dangerous to have a fantasy foreign policy, and it can get you in enormous trouble'
Sportscaster
ATTN 1 (Tar Heels, moving on to Monday Night! Another convincing Carolina victory....)
US Vice President
ATTN 1 (Will they go down-down-down-down? Before they begin to rebound?)
Athlete (F - University of North Carolina/Minnesota Timberwolves)
ATTN 1 (You never know what this feels like until you experience it)
Reporter, Washington Post
ATTN 2 (Not an east coast thing, not a left coast thing...)
Fox News Commentator
ATTN 2 (Now the captain Richard Phillips has been rescued, the President has decided to step into the spotlight....)
CBS News Commentator
ATTN 2 (We will find ourselves on very thin ice! Very thin ice! Very thin ice!)
US politician (Sec of State)
ATTN 2 (The United States does not make concessions, or ransom payments to pirates!)
'The View' personality
ATTN 3 (I think this is an ignoramus statement..I was even a person who thought, power to Joe the Plumber at that point)
CNBC correspondent
ATTN 3 ( As republicans, the party does seem to be in chaos)
US politician (Former presidential nominee, R)
ATTN 3 (They need to change their attitude, attitude, attitude! They have to BELIEVE in it, you know!)
US Politician (Former VP)
ATTN 3 (In terms of being a Republican I'd go with Rush Limbaugh. My take on it was Colin had already left the party)
US Politician (D-Washington)
ATTN 4 (We will give you a hot spa that is energy efficient, I hope that doesn't offend you)
US Congressman (R-Indiana)
ATTN 5 (It's not the nicotine that kills! It's the smoooooke! The smooooooke)
Fox News Correspondent
ATTN 5 (We've got some breaking news...Let's go to (person below)--she's got all the news)
Fox News Correspondent
ATTN 5 (Actually, Liz, I think you wanna jump up to Robert)
US Congresswoman (R-Minnesota)
ATTN 6 (It is time to stand up and say, we get to choose! It's one of the two- liberty, or tyranny)
US Politician (D- Speaker of the House)
ATTN 6 (Just remember these four words, about what this legislation means- jobs, jobs, jobs, and jobs! Let's vote for jobs!)
US Congressman (R-Ohio)
ATTN 6 (Hell no, hell no, hell noooooooo! The fight that we have between these two sides all boils down to one word -freedom!)
Former US Governor and VP candidate (R - Alaska)
ATTN 6 (With this announcement, that I'm not seeking re-election...)
Fox News Contributor
ATTN 6 (She's really all in - but its high risk)
Fox News Contributor (Associated Press)
ATTN 6 (The people who like her, Are still gonna like her, The people who have doubts about her, Are just gonna have the same doubts
Michael Jackson family attorney
ATTN 6 (I have warned that one day, Michael Jackson would wake up dead...)
US Politician (Former US Presidential Nominee - R)
ATTN 6 (I look at the track team and they're all black folks...I think maybe those are the fastest guys we got! Black folks! Blaaaaack folks!)
US Congressman (R- California)
ATTN 7(Trouble, we got trouble right here in Capitol City. With a capitol T, and it rhymes with B, that stands for broke!)
US Political Figure/Reverend
ATTN 7 (Its not always just black and white, black and white, we're fighting right now for a young white male...Sticking something in his rectum!)
Sports Figure (QB - Philadelphia Eagles)
ATTN 8 (Now I want to be part of the solution and not the problem...)
Sports Commentator (ESPN)
ATTN 8 (He paid his debt to society now, he has either earned or been given another chance!)
Description
Person
First appearance/sample lyrics
CBS Correspondent
ATTN 8 (The city of New York is declaring a war on geese, and some animal activists are crying foul....)
US Senator (R - Iowa)
ATTN 8 (The surtax is painful to the goose, Lethal to the goose...the goose that lays the golden egg!....I have a chart.)
President of Venezuela
ATTN 9 (Tun tun tun tun tun tun tun tun... Seamos un tilín mejores)
Prime Minister, Sweden
ATTN 9 (A better world to live in for future generations everywhere.)
Prime Minister, Britan
ATTN 9 (All of us work together...for work to be sustained, it has to be shared!)
US President (D)
ATTN 9 (I don't want to give em the keys back! They don't know how to drive!)
US Congressman (D-Florida)
ATTN 9 (Don't get sick! That's right, don't get sick. That's the Republicans' health care plan.)
MSNBC Commentator
ATTN 9 (AFFORD to live? Are we at that point? Are we so heartless? How can we not be united against death?)
CBS News Correspondent
ATTN 9 (They're giving Obama a prize for not being George Bush)
US Congressman (R- Michigan)
ATTN 10 (You shall build a turtle fence!)
US Congressman (R - Arizona)
ATTN 10 (We don't have many turtles...we need a rattlesnake fence!)
US Senator (R - Massachusetts)/Lesbian?
ATTN 10 (I thank the people of Massachusetts for electing me as your next United States Senator!)
CBS News Correspondent
ATTN 10 (He's got the treatment normally reserved for rock stars...They've put healthcare on the backburner, the backburner for now!)
NFL Commissioner
ATTN 10 (The Super Bowl belongs to the city of New Orleans!)
Athlete (QB - New Orleans Saints)
ATTN 10 (It was all meant to be - it was all destiny! We got the best ownership, best coach, best team!)
US Governor (R - Louisiana)
ATTN 10 (What the Saints show is that we can perservere, we overcame four storms...We got the best ethics laws)
President, UK Independence Party
ATTN 11 (We don't know you, we don't want you...the sooner you're put out to grass, the better!)
Fox News Host
ATTN 11 (You hit on a guy at a wedding...explain that one for me...whether you're telling the truth or not, an avalanche is coming your way.)
Former US Congressman (D- New York)
ATTN 11 (I went with a bridesmaid, danced with her, I grabbed a bachelor. Now they're sayin I groped a male staffer! Yeah, I did! You can take anything out of context...)
CNBC Correspondent
ATTN 12 (The market value of pot would go down, down, down, if you legalized it...right now, now now!)
Fox News Correspondent
ATTN 12 (A photo of supreme court nominee Elena Kagan shows Kagan playing softball...gay gay gay! Like two men sunbathing together on a beach!)
Bishop/Former Drug Addict
ATTN 12 (You would have to smooooke 14 joints in 1960 to get just as hiiiiigh in 2010 with just one joint. It would be a dark, dark day)
US Congressman (D- New York)
ATTN 13 (Don't leave me swinging in the wind until November!)
US Senate Nominee (R - Delaware)
'Autotune Christine O'Donnell' (I'm not a witch, bitch...I'm you!)
Huntsville, AL resident
Bed Intruder Song ('You are really dumb! You are really dumb, for real!)
Weezer lead singer (guest star)
ATTN 13 (Don't leave me swinging in the wind until November!)
Good Charlotte Lead singer (guest star)
ATTN 11 (You can't protect the web from ******** like me, shorty!)
Angry Gorilla
ATTN 2 (I'm an angry gorilla, I heard you needed me!)
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