Television Quiz / Two and a half men who said it season two quotes

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Can you name the Two and a half men character who said these quotes in two and a half men season two

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QuoteCharacter
He claims it's not a support group Oh please he also claims he's not in love with me
Your a disturbed man you need help Enjoy those garlic balls
Hell no he's getting A's he hasn't got an A since nap time in kindergarten
Who borrowed my car last weekend Holy mother of God no no unholy mother of us
I'm dating myself no wonder the sex is so good
What do you know there is a bad Alan
You don't know this kid he never stops at one he eats like a refugee
I need you to watch jake for the rest of the weekend so Nancy and I can go to vegas and get married
Can we make it come to catholic schoolgirl yes monsignor
What can I tell you the network liked that one better What are they brain damaged Welcome to show business kid
Last chance to see those tattoos No thanks
You can never have this never never never
QuoteCharacter
You know how to say please go faster in polish
Oh I turned a long time ago Alan's just catching up
He did throw up
Why can't you be lincoln a beard a mole a top hat we're done because lincoln wasn't a founding father
I Get it cause he's hunched over
It doesn't matter darling your here your queer I'm used to it
Your the most beautiful woman ive ever seen and I don't deserve you
To your buns
It's my kids I know maybe I spoil him
He'd rather spend the night with some old hose bag that old hose bag is my mother and there's no smoking in here
You realize that in one night he did what we couldn't do n a lifetime
Because I can't afford to send you to therapy for the rest of your life

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