Television Quiz / Two and a half men who said it season one quotes

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Can you name the Two and a half men character who said these quotes in two and a half men season one?

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Look at me Judy i can barely make it down the stairs
You know what this is it's the worlds smallest violon
Oh sorry darling grandma doesn't do Anaheim
I'm the housekeeper and your an ass
I know exactly how you got off topic
Drop dead you bastard
Where do you get that kind of sleazy think
It's ok dad
It's the sweetest breakfast treat it's maple maple maplicious
I'm thankful I'll be dead someday and you'll all feel horrible you weren't nicer to me
Was it about those dorky shoes?
Put the toothbrush down Alan we got bigger problems than gingivitis
Desiree it's like desire with the yeah at the end
You're right screw him
You're brothers a pig
Just enough to make sleep impossible
If moms ever in a coma your the one who has to decide to pull the plug pull
Holy mother of God
Give her a little adjustment and maybe while your having a good time with my sister I'll have a good time with your brother
I said drink this bottle of prune juice you feed him nothing but pizza and pancakes it's a wonder his eyeballs are still in their sockets
Your also the one that told me that if I jumped off the garage roof with a bath towel tied around my neck I could fly to school
Man you are so whipped
No as long as I got someone to clean my house and some action on a regular basis I don't need a wife
You called

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