'If your dog gets lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that f***ing dog.'
'Hey, why don't I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may! What'd ya say?'
'No, sir, I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar.'
'Look who's on TV, Mama... it's the devil.'
'I'm going through a rough patch in my life right now. Syracuse is 0 and 3.'
'I'm lookin' at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna f***in' smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty.'
'I hope they don't play the Pats in the playoffs or else I'm going to have to kill myself.'
'Why couldn't you have told her something else? I was at the bank! I was at the store! I ate bad guacamole and couldn't stop shitting! Any of those things would have been fine!'
'Remember to use a condom, or in your case, a Hefty bag.'
'You are my friend, Switowski. Just finish your coloring book and go to sleep.'
'The only time I had sex was on the phone.'
'Popeye's chicken is f***in' awesome!'
'It is... you. Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this. I cannot make sticky with anyone else. You are the special one. I will only be 'Steve' for you.'
'Hey! For the record, every time I laughed at one of your jokes, I was faking it.'
'Oh, no, that's not wrestling. That's something you shouldn't know about for another 10 to 30 years. Ten for you. Thirty for you.'
'All you f***in' talk about is jacking off and farting. You think a girl's gonna come up to afterward and be like 'Oh, would you just jack off for me and then fart in my face?'
'How about a PlayStation 3 and we name him Nelson?'
'Ahh Graham Nash Songs For Beginners. Just the album cover alone, look at that face, he knows he made a great record.'
'Just do it or I'll light my hair on fire and start punching myself in the face!'
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