| Quote | Character | Episode |
|---|
| 'The fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.' | |
| 'I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you...I love you. I...I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.' | |
| 'Oh, my Bing-a-ling, I'll wait for you. Do you even know how long you're going to be gone?' | |
| 'Well, I started naming states, but then I got tired of it. So, I started naming different types of celery. So far I only got one- regular celery' | |
| 'Don't listen to your mother. You're independent and you always have been. Even when you were a kid, and you were chubby and you had no friends, you were just fine!' | |
| 'Ross, come look. There's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.' | |
| 'Hey, save the cork, and that way we can fill the bottle up with water and put it back so they don't charge you.' | |
| 'Okay, how about this? If you guys die, and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby?' | |
| 'I needed a new thing for today, and there's this leather store that always smells so good, and I thought, 'Wow, I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before.'' | |
| 'Thank you. I'm from New York.' | |
| 'I want to name the girl baby Leslie. And, um, Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank, Jr. Jr.' | |
| 'Well, there's my favorite client. So tell me, darling, how was the audition?' | |
| 'Here, Monica, you can finish off these pies. There was no room in the fridge.' | |
| 'You're still going to that chiropractor? That man couldn't get into med school in Ixtapa.' | |
| 'And that's when it hit me- how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.' | |
| 'I could play the oboe.' | |
| 'Um, Rachel, you want to put the marshmallows in concentric circles.' | |
| 'It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.' | |
| 'They say that our only chance to have a baby is if they take my sperm and her egg, and put it together in a dish and then put it in another girl.' | |
| 'First name Crap, last name Bag.' | |
| 'And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us.' | |
| 'Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's.' | |
| 'I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there aren't any plants in your office, so I wanted to bring you your first.' | |
| 'No! Why can't the armadillo leave? I want Santa!' | |
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