| Complaint | Character |
|---|
| My younger brother is taller than me, and I can only match his height by wolfing down a moving mushroom. FML. | |
| I'm having doubts about giving up my showgirl career to marry an oil tycoon, and my tipsy chaperone constantly upstages me. FML. | |
| My uncle murdered my father by making him jump into a wildebeest stampede to save my life. FML. | |
| Becky Thatcher still isn't catching on to my signals, but hey, at least I managed to convince a few of the guys to paint the fence for me. FML. | |
| My boyfriend killed himself when he thought I was dead, when really I was alive but had taken heart-stopping poison. FML. | |
| My Homie caused another explosion at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. And somehow it is still a typical day for me. FML. | |
| My predecessor choked on a pretzel, and I was caught wearing 'mom jeans.' What are we doing for America's image? FML. | |
| Every time I try to find the remaining pieces of the Triforce, a blond fool called 'Link' ruins my plans. FML. | |
| That wretched overweight Tracy Turnblad joined the cast of 'The Corny Collins Show' and is outshining my daughter Amber. FML. | |
| My childhood was scarred by embarrassment at Lowood, and the love of my life lost his hand and eyesight. FML. | |
| | Complaint | Character |
|---|
| To get back at my ex-husband, I murdered his princess suitor, the King, and my own sons to prevent his plans for a family. Can anyone recommend a good psychotherapist? FML. | |
| No one knows my job, my wife Monica used to be fat, and my middle name is Muriel. Could things BE any worse? FML. | |
| After 18 days of protests requesting my removal from office, I gave my powers to the VP, who wasn't even Head of State for a day. Guess who's not winning Mr. Congeniality? FML. | |
| I love to kill, but I can only do so when people sleep and dream. Teens these days barely sleep. FML. | |
| My girlfriend Dixie said we need to split - I think she's bananas. FML. | |
| In our musical group The Four Seasons, Tommy owed the loan shark $150,000, and I went to Gyp DeCarlo against Tommy's wishes. Now, Tommy is 'sequestered' under mob supervision. FML. | |
| I finally killed Barbossa, only to have Tia Dalma resurrect him from the dead. Savvy. FML. | |
| I'm a mouse living with a human family whose pain-in-the-rear cat Snowbell wants me digested. FML. | |
| My demonic wife encouraged me to kill the king, and now I'm King of Scotland. Now I'm haunted by ghosts, and Macduff wants my head on a platter. FML. | |
| My ex Puddy is an idiot; I told him not to wait for me when my three pals and I were sent to prison, and he barely reacted. FML. | |
| | Complaint | Character |
|---|
| I win the 2011 Grammy for Best New Artist, only to have fans of my mop-headed competitor bash me and cry foul. FML. | |
| I was tricked into combating Sonic the Hedgehog; I quickly figured out what was up, but now he and I are rivals. And. He. Always. Wins. FML. | |
| I have no idea who my dad is. I invited all three possibilities to my wedding and still have no clue. FML. | |
| I accidentally killed my husband's lover in a hit-and-run accident, with Jay Gatsby's car and with Gatsby inside. FML. | |
| My husband abandoned our family years ago, and my daughter Laura has a crippled foot, is insecure, and can't get a man. FML. | |
| Robin and I had a great relationship for almost a year, and then, oops, she tells me she doesn't want marriage or kids. FML. | |
| I'm a polemicist who speaks her mind, but I'm constantly criticized for my views, like when I said that America would work better if women didn't vote. FML. | |
| I took my talents to South Beach, and now the entire state of Ohio hates me. FML. | |
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