Shakespeare by III.i

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Can you name the Shakespeare play by the events of Act Three, Scene One?

Updated Nov 15, 2011

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ACT III, Scene iPlay
A disgraced soldier makes an (oddly misguided) attempt to get back into his General's good graces by hiring musicians to play under his window.
A cross-dresser is hustled by a clown, insulted by a pair of drunks, then blatantly hit on by a woman in mourning.
After being fatally wounded, the play's most happy-go-lucky character tries to get out as many puns as he can before he bleeds to death.
A man invites his good friend to dinner, then sends two thugs to murder him. (Despite being murdered, the dead friend still manages to make the dinner.)
During a thunderstorm, a banished earl in disguise encounters a knight, who tells him his boss went a little nuts.
A charismatic king politely suggests to his men that they all head over to that breach *just* one more time.
With a gruesome war raging outside, a kidnapped woman and her new boyfriend blithely exchange sex jokes with a perverted old man.
ACT III, Scene iPlay
The title character promises his nephew that he hasn't killed all his uncles (though he has) then swears that he'll be perfectly safe in the tower (which he won't).
Just to shake things up, the title character is killed off halfway through his own play.
A young woman receives a simultaneous Latin lesson/music lesson from two men who haven't the slightest interest in her education.
A prince carrying firewood gives a speech about how he doesn't mind carrying firewood because the old man he's carrying firewood for has a daughter who is *totally* hot.
A thoughtful young man famously weighs life's pros and cons.
An evil duke interrogates the hero's evil brother. It is the first time they have met, and the last time either one is evil.
Two women successfully dupe another woman into falling in love with a man she despises simply by allowing her to overhear their conversation.

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