|Quote||C, P, or O|
|You can yell at me all you want. I've seen enough movies to know that popping the back of raft makes it go faster.|
|I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, you know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom. The wiz palace as I like to call it.|
|-Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?|
-I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
-Get his number?
|I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.|
|And then, my last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full-time Taco Bell and...I dunno. I couldn't keep up.|
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|Of all feelings to base a show around...'glee'? 'Thirst'--now that's a show I'd watch.|
|My goal was to learn a new word every day, and I must say that it is going immensely.|
|I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.|
|You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.|
|-Do they do stuff to your butt?|
-Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?
-It's fine. I'll do it. I'm in.
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|
|I will have the spaghetti and a side salad. If the salad's on top, I will send it back.|
|You should be like Calvin! His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it!|
|-You're a football player. It's in your blood!|
|The less I know about others' affairs, the happier I am. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.|
|I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks...food rakes.|
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
|I have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.|
|-I have a hernia.|
-Do you have syphilis?
-I said I have a hernia.
-I know. It's possible to have two things at once.
|-It was on company property, with company property. Double jeopardy-we're fine. |
-I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
-Oh, sorry: What is 'we're fine'.
|-What are you reading?|
-Oh! That is my favorite ocean.
|I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?|