|Quote||C, P, or O|
|Why does the Sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.|
|-Do they do stuff to your butt?|
-Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?
-It's fine. I'll do it. I'm in.
|-Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?|
-I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
-Get his number?
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. That's 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.|
|I wish my mouth was farther away from my brain. I wish my brain had its own brain.|
|I have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.|
|While I was alseep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|
|At that moment, we stopped being a family, and started being a family...in italics.|
|Oh I'm serious, baby. I am Yahoo Serious. I'm Serious FM. Welcome to the world serious of seriousness sponsored by Honey Nut Seerioes.|
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
|I will have the spaghetti and a side salad. If the salad's on top, I will send it back.|
|I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.|
|-What are you reading?|
-Oh! That is my favorite ocean.
|-I have a hernia.|
-Do you have syphilis?
-I said I have a hernia.
-I know. It's possible to have two things at once.
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|
|My goal was to learn a new word every day, and I must say that it is going immensely.|
|-It was on company property, with company property. Double jeopardy-we're fine. |
-I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
-Oh, sorry: What is 'we're fine'.
|You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals in each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tacks.|
|She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy you can just tell people she's crazy. That's what they always do on Entourage.|
|Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.|
|I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'.|
|I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.|
|Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |