|Quote||C, P, or O||Characters|
|-It was on company property, with company property. Double jeopardy-we're fine. |
-I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
-Oh, sorry: What is 'we're fine'.
|I will have the spaghetti and a side salad. If the salad's on top, I will send it back.|
|I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.|
|-That's one of my biggest fears.|
-If I ever woke up as a doughnut.
-You would eat yourself.
-I wouldn't even question it.
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'.|
|The less I know about others' affairs, the happier I am. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.|
|-You're a football player. It's in your blood!|
|-Do they do stuff to your butt?|
-Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?
-It's fine. I'll do it. I'm in.
|And then, my last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full-time Taco Bell and...I dunno. I couldn't keep up.|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
|I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks...food rakes.|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|
|Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie!|
|Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.|
|My goal was to learn a new word every day, and I must say that it is going immensely.|
|While I was alseep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.|
|Am I going to tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.|
|I wish my mouth was farther away from my brain. I wish my brain had its own brain.|
|Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.|
|I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.|
|-We're registered at Linens N' Things.|
-We have plenty of linens; we mainly want the things.
|-The problem right now is that he's calling me 'baby'. He's trying to hold my hands. It's getting a little relationship-y and...he gave me something.|
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
|-I have a hernia.|
-Do you have syphilis?
-I said I have a hernia.
-I know. It's possible to have two things at once.
|-Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?|
-I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
-Get his number?