|Quote||C, P, or O|
|I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.|
|-We're registered at Linens N' Things.|
-We have plenty of linens; we mainly want the things.
|-I have a hernia.|
-Do you have syphilis?
-I said I have a hernia.
-I know. It's possible to have two things at once.
|-I noticed you've had a good year. Good boy. You turning that money into more money?|
-Are you referring to alchemy?
|She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy you can just tell people she's crazy. That's what they always do on Entourage.|
|She has more fights about stuff that doesn't matter than a YouTube comment section.|
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year. |
|When you guys first came in we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch. And now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch.|
|You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|
|I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, you know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom. The wiz palace as I like to call it.|
|Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.|
|-It was on company property, with company property. Double jeopardy-we're fine. |
-I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
-Oh, sorry: What is 'we're fine'.
|My goal was to learn a new word every day, and I must say that it is going immensely.|
|Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.|
|I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'.|
|'When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.' I read that once. On a box of lemonade. But I like to think it applies to life.|
|It's called a Complisult. Part compliment, part insult. He invented them. I coined the term. See what I just did there? That was an explainabrag.|
|I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.|
|I will have the spaghetti and a side salad. If the salad's on top, I will send it back.|
|Of all feelings to base a show around...'glee'? 'Thirst'--now that's a show I'd watch.|
|Oh I'm serious, baby. I am Yahoo Serious. I'm Serious FM. Welcome to the world serious of seriousness sponsored by Honey Nut Seerioes.|
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|
|The less I know about others' affairs, the happier I am. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.|
|And then, my last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full-time Taco Bell and...I dunno. I couldn't keep up.|