“Just because he’s a paraplegic doesn’t mean his legs don’t work…wait a minute.
“I guess this is what happens when God gets lazy and humans have to pick up the slack.”
“This was no act of God. It was an act of rednecks on a drunken rampage.”
“The whole thing is like a contest to see who can make the biggest ass of themselves.”
“Dang it Bobby, I expect more from somebody with no extra-curricular activities.”
“I buy things and it makes money so we can buy more things. I’m like an ecosystem.”
“Bobby is a good normal kid; not like his little wierdos.”
“Let’s go have a baby, and maybe a huge settlement. There will be lots of things to slip on when this is all over.”
“I’ve waited all my life to meet you. I’m your bastard son.”
“Hank Hill, I knew rednecks abandon cars and refrigerators; guess we can throw kids on the list too.”
“There’s only three days left 'til the game, if Hank doesn’t play Imma need a lot of liquor and a handful of anything.”
“What is a contemporary woman like yourself doing in this class? I mean cotillion hasn’t been cool for, you know, five years.”
“If this boy had been an intruder and this marsupial a gun, show and tell could have had a much different and deadlier outcome.”
“Besides savin’ souls ain’t your job. That position has been filled; in heaven by the big man and on screen by Morgan Freeman.”
“The basic rule is never flush anything down the toilet that doesn’t come directly, uh, from you.”
“I can’t believe he said I gave up on Bobby. Maybe I have, but it wasn’t all at once, it was a slow, painful process.”
“Today’s parents just need a little 10-minute break now and then, even if it means a slightly dumber kid.”
“Boomhauer, don’t you dare come back a hockey fan.”
“If this school was a deck of cards, Bobby would be the king of hearts, two of us would be jokers and the other would be that card with the rules on it.”
“The Exxon Valdez here only gets three feet per gallon; we’ll be lucky to make it to the nearest White Castle.”
“Karl swore he didn’t eat all my mustard, but I know he did. Tonight after he vomits, I’ll have my proof.”
“Ok, fine I’ll….I’ll give him the sex talk. Before I do that I have some questions myself.”
“We call it the commander and beef. It’s the Swiss army knife of grills, but made by a country that’s not afraid to fight a war.”
“It’s like debate team, but instead of doing something useless, they compete by judging cut and quality of meat.”
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