Television Quiz / The State or Upright Citizens Brigade?

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Can you name the show that the quote belongs to?

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QuoteShow
I don't care about America, all I care about is sex and booze and pills. Damn this country and everyone in it.
I want to confess... that I want you to walk on hot coals like the Freak at the fair!
What the hell is a moon cheese baby?
I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years!
Can't clowns and pirates just try to get along?
Yeah, humans rule! Dolphins suck it!
Half-Jew is not a verb.
I feel I've opened up a whole new arena of experimentation which I call 'monkey torture'.
They didn't even get the lyrics to 'Screwing Cats Doggie Style'!
You named my mother Ping-Pong?
QuoteShow
I may not be the brightest tool in the shed, but I had sex with my girlfriend for 2 hours once.
Hey, if I want to hear foul language I'll go home, I'll turn on Marky Mark and The Funny Bunch.
Astronauts are bad news I tell ya.
You didn't know she was an ape when you had sex with her.
This is a urinal cake, not a real cake.
We've been hit! Quickly, drop this potted plant on my foot and then bite my ass!
You pineapple! You fuzzy cootie!
Brrring! Brrrring! Hello Cheese? No - Cheese can't dial a phone!
Isn't it about time your shoes made sounds like a piggy from the heel when you stepped down on 'm?
My real name is Michael Schwartz, which I changed because I'm ashamed of being Jewish.

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