Television Quiz / Who Said It: Abe Simpson or Joe Biden?

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Can you determine if each of the following quotes was said by (A)braham Simpson or (J)oseph Biden?

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QuoteSpoken By (A/J):
'I shouldn’t have been such a wise guy. I shouldn’t have been so cavalier.'
'No, you haven't. You're a lying, dog-faced pony soldier.'
'When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed.'
'Let’s do push-ups together, man, let’s run, let’s do whatever you want to do.'
'Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of Death?'
'Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.'
'We hold these truths to be self-evident. All men and women created … by the - you know - you know the thing.'
'His mom lived in Long Island for 10 years or so, God rest her soul, and, er, although she's, wait—your mom's still alive?'
'A stupid alcoholic hippo!'
'I'm cold, and there are wolves after me.'
'Would it be all right with you if I just laid down in the street and died?'
'It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.'
'In 1957, I saw him turn turn the Secretary of Agriculture into the Secretary of the Interior. It was hell on their wives, but it sure brought down corn prices.'
'In a world of thirty-one flavors, we're the cup of water they rinse the scoops in.'
'Hey, they're playing the elephant song.'
QuoteSpoken By (A/J):
'I don't ride side-saddle. I'm as straight as a submarine'
'Corn Pop was a bad dude, and he ran a bunch of bad boys.'
'You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people.'
'She's a truly close personal friend... quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me. But she's first rate, I mean that sincerely, she's first rate.'
'I probably have a much higher IQ than you do, I suspect.'
'I mean, you’ve got the first sort of mainstream African American who is articulate and bright and clean,'
'I got hairy legs that turn blonde in the Sun and the kids used to come up and reach in the pool and rub my leg down so it would change and then watch the hair come back up again.'
'You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking.'
'You two look good. Open casket good.'
'You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.'
'What can I do for you? Eat something green? Vote for someone brown?'
'They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I have never fully understood why. Frankly, I can see an upside to it!’
'It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.'
'I tell you what, you're making everybody else stand up though, pal. Thank you very, very much...You can tell I'm new.'
'150 million people have been killed since 2007 when Bernie voted to exempt the gun manufacturers from liability.'

From the Vault

Translated Spanish Towns

by MoMosMoProblems

It's safe to say that most of these towns should stick with their Spanish translations.
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