| Lyrics | song |
|---|
| I was walking through the valley where I harvest my grain..... | |
| He blew up the workshop and held the elves hostage... | |
| You may hear some reindeer on your rooftop or jack frost on your windowsill. But if someones sliding down your chimney, you better load your gun and shoot to kill. | |
| If you're running low, go to the store Carry some money to help you buy more The tab is there to open the can The can is there to hold in the spam | |
| Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad Our neighbor's septic tank was the closest thing we had | |
| I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed | |
| And what better way to say 'I love you.' than with the gift of a spatula? | |
| Who would've guessed, her family crest. I'd suddenly spy, tattoo'd on her thigh. And son of a gun, it's just like the one on me | |
| Little Melvin has a natural obsession Askin' for Prince Albert in a can | |
| Man, that first mate was illin' If I was one of those Castaways | |
| Three days wince he interviewed A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude | |
| What a racquet they're makin', Jack They keep me up at night playin' they're electric guitars | |
| They're payin' me plenty of money To sing this song, child | |
| Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day | |
| And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer | |
| | Lyrics | song |
|---|
| 'God, please answer me one question?' 'Why'd they have to interrupt 'The Simpsons' just for this?' | |
| You planned a trip to Idaho Just to watch potatoes grow | |
| My house ... is filled with this crap Shows up in bubble wrap Most every day | |
| The Bernie ran away with my brand new Insti-Matic, but at least we got our memories | |
| It doesn't take a military genius to see We'll all be crispy critters after World War III | |
| And if I get fat and loose my teeth that's fine with me Just lock me in the freezer and throw away the key | |
| And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend, oh no! | |
| I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp | |
| Then I tied her to a chair and I shaved off all her hair And I left her in the desert all alone | |
| I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV, Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D. | |
| Remember when he cut my car in half? | |
| It's like spitting on a fish It's like barking up a tree | |
| But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy Of Joe Dirt on DVD | |
| I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair 'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care | |
| I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again | |
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