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I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my red-hot smokin' wife, Carley.

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

It's that Hansel! He's so hot right now!

Hey mom! Can we get some meatloaf?

Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!

No, actually it's a highly sophisticated inter-locking brick system.

Yeah, mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?

Did we just become best friends?

I thought a trip to Arby's might give me some courage, but no dice. Then, I hit Popeye's, Del Taco. 14,000 calories later, I found myself down at Subway powering through a 12 inch.

ELE! Everybody love everybody!

Stand still! How can I shoot you if you keep moving!

Damn, three times. He's hiding in his secret volcano lair.

Mike Ditka scares me! Have you ever looked into his eyes? Or at his hair?

The Mighty Duck man, I swear to God I was there. ...I was like 'Emilio!'

Alright guys, I'm not gonna lie to you. This is gonna get kinda weird... Two dragons.

Put the monkey down, and your hands up. Let's go, misters.

At age 11, I audited my parents. Believe me, there were some discrepancies, and I was grounded.

I've made a horrible mistake. I didn't mean to destroy you. I mean, I MEANT to destroy you, but I didn't think it would really work.

The thigh...Thy kingdom...come...the magic kingdom. As it is on Earth in a helicopter. Give us this day our daily... pizza. And let us digest it.

mentally stimulating diversions