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I'm never gonna be a cop.
Fishing relaxes me.
What's your niece's name?
I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had.
The whole thing is a scam.
Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
It is nice to see you again.
We live in a fish bowl. Everyone is watching us.
I've never had a boyfriend willing to commit arson for me before.
Never half-ass two things.
That idea is literally the greatest idea I have heard in my entire life.
I've heavily invested in gold, which I've buried in several different locations around Pawnee.
You're not scared to eat here?
Are most murders committed by highly trained, professional assassins? No, they're committed by friends and coworkers!
Why do you have so many guns?
I made my money the old fashioned way.
It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
You always separate your lights from your darks.
What's your favorite food?
No, Oren, I don't know how I'm going to die.
Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight in the time capsule.
The human foot is the ultimate technology.
I'm Perd Hapley, Channel 4.
Come on Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
My mom's Puerto Rican.
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