What do university professors eat for a quick snack?
What do you call a vicious carnivorous dinosaur with a doctorate?
Why are students good at marathon running?
What do you call a professor who eats his students?
Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?
What do you get when you cross a professor and a vampire?
Pre-med student: I don't get it, why do we have to learn this stuff? Physics professor: Physics saves lives.
A professor is someone …
My local college has a scheme that lets students earn their tuition by working in the on-campus bakery. The opportunity isn't open to everyone.
I hate having to cite sources when I’m writing research papers. Sometimes it makes me so depressed that ...
What do you call hiking US college students?
Old professors never die.
A fortune teller told me that after I graduated I would make a ridiculous amount of money. Turns out she was right!
Linguistics lecturer: In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language can a double positive can form a negative. Student:
Manager: Your first job is to sweep this floor. Alex: But I'm a college student! Manager: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise …
Agriculture student: Have you thought of switching to more modern methods? You won't get a bumper crop of apples from these trees. Farmer: You're right, of course, we won't.
Professor: Why are you failing this class? Is it ignorance or apathy? Student: Honestly …
Job Interviewer: It says on your résumé that you went to Harvard. Applicant:
Student 1: What's your book about? Student 2: Quantum theory. Student 1: It's upside down. Student 2: So what? It ...
My roommate from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number. I wonder ...
Journalist: So, you've won $1 million. What will you do with the money? New graduate: I will pay off my student loans. Journalist: What about the rest? Graduate:
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? (We're going to need several attempts to answer this.)
Alternatively ... how many students does it take to change a light bulb?
Let's try that again. How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
Final time? How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
In college, I was so broke I couldn’t pay the electricity bill. (Maybe this explains the lightbulb problem.)
Student: I’ve got some great news for you! Parents: What, son? Student: Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list?
Law professor: You're currently failing your ethics class. Student, sliding $20 across the desk:
Mrs McSporran: How do you get on with the English students here at Oxford, son? Hamish: They're awful noisy. The one to the left keeps banging the wall and the one to the right screams all night. Mother: Och, that's terrible. How do you manage? Hamish: I ignore them and …
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