Just For Fun Quiz / Terrible Jokes XIV

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I regret to say that I'm disappointed with this thesaurus.

My Dad used to say ‘Always fight fire with fire’. That's probably why …

What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

What was more useful than the invention of the first telephone?

What do robots sprinkle on their cupcakes?

My mum always told me 'Don’t be quick to find faults.' She was a very good person, but ….

My wife complained I never buy her flowers.

My imaginary friend's coming to stay tonight …

I went to a Michelin-starred restaurant in London last night. I ordered pelican strogonoff. It was absolutely amazing.

I crossbred a bull with a chameleon on the cheap, but …

I just spotted an albino Dalmatian.

I've just seen a dead centipede ...

30th January: I went to hospital with severe food poisoning last night after eating haggis, neeps and tatties.

Who called them creationists and not …

What's white, fluffy and swings round a cake shop?

I just saw a priest blessing a vacuum.

Someone just came up to me, holding a beer, and claimed to be a ventriloquist.

I bought a tartan chameleon. It was £100, which included …

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Who's there?

A man takes his duck to the vet. Vet: I'm sorry, your duck has passed away. Man: NO! I want a second opinion! Vet opens a door, a kitten walks in,
sniffs the duck, shakes his head. Man: Rubbish! My duck isn't dead! Vet opens the door again, a labrador walks in, sniffs the duck, shakes his head. Man: That's it then. Vet: That'll be £2,500. Man: Just for telling me my duck's dead? Vet: ...