He's dead, Dave. Everbody is dead. Everybody is dead, Dave
You're all goits. I'm surrounded by goits. Holly, you're a goit
4691 irradiated haggis
I mean, the whole purpose of my existence is to serve you with hot, buttered, scrummy toast. If you don't want any, then my existence is meaningless
You haven't met Stabem, have you? He's one of the scutters
Hello, hello! Testing, testing! One, one, one. Me, me, me! Attention, all lady cats! I am feeling very, very sexy! Can you hear me, lady cats?! My body is available!
You've only got to look at them, they've got less meat on them than a chicken mcnugget
I write to inform you that your father is dad
I wonder if it's true what they about the size of your feet? I mean, if it is this guy could probably go to a fancy dress party as a petrol pump
You're a mushroom, aren't you?
We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, June, July and August fool
I'm trying to say nungy-nangy (nangy-nungy), ningy nongy, but I can't tell you clearly (clearly)
Flobbadobblibblobbleeb
Well, the thing about a black hole, its main distinguishing feature, is it's black. And the thing about space, your basic space colour, is black. So how are you s'posed to see them
Alphabetti spaghetti?!?
Ommmmmm
Hey, I've got you now buddy. J.O.Z.X.Y.Q.K
No silicon heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go?
It's a, it's a, it's the Bolivian navy on manoeuvres in the South Pacific
No vacuum cleaner should give a human being a double polaroid
He is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime, it is also his punishment
I'm fine thank you Susan
I'll smoke him a smegging kipper
Don't eyeball me Gandhi, get on the floor and give me 50. Now!
Lister to Red Dwarf. We have in our midst a complete smeg pot. Brains in the anal region. Chin absent -- presumed missing. Genitalia small and inoffensive. Of no value or interest
I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass!
An excellent and inventive suggestion, sir, with just two tiny drawbacks: A. We don't have any jet-powered rocket pants; and B. There's no such thing as jet-powered rocket pants...
You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you are completely sane?
Rude alert. Rude alert. A fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle. Many wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop, this is not a daffodil..
The R..E..C..U..P..E..R..A..T..I..O..N lounge. I keep telling you. Blimey, no wonder you only scored 4%. Cor, what a bunch of twonks
There's a meteor bigger than King Kong's first dump of the day, and it's screaming straight towards us
Are you absolutely sure sir? It does mean changing the bulb
Ahhh, Mr War sir, it would appear that due to circumstances completely beyond my control, there's been a bit of a cock up in the bravado department
That's her name? I could never settle down with anyone whose name sounds like a footballer clearing his nose
That's the metaphorical equivalent of flopping your wedding tackle in a lion's mouth and flicking its lovespuds with a wet towel
Hermann Goering is a 'bit dodgy'?!?
Causality? Well, okay, you know, one event causes another, okay, but sometimes, you just gotta say: 'The laws of time and space? Who gives a smeg!
Princess Bonjella; Ace Rimmer. There'll be time for explanations later, and hopefully, some sex
Hey, officer Bud-Babe, about that power simillililillum-inuminim drive? Taken care of
Boy, is it cramped! Whew-ee! I tell you, if I was dead you most certainly could not swing me around in here!
Welcome, to the Rimmer Experience. A place of wonder, excitement, and... wonder
These strides are too tackle-tight, Officer B-B. I can barely cruise!
No offence, but when you're a virus there's not much call for knowing how to open a lager bottle with your anus
You're thinking 'hand, pick up the ball', but your subconscious is saying 'punch Kryten in the head'
I hope we don't get stopped by the cops. They don't like it when you're rat-arsed
Operation Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power and Eminence, or G.R.O.P.E. for short, is bang on course
If the crew discover I'm really just Dennis the donut boy, I'm finished
So, you're saying the future's the future and, like your underpants, the chances of change are remote?
It replaced the Wednesday night movie. I saw the whole thing; all three terrible hours of it
Tomorrow we're on spud-duty, and those knives are supposed to be as sharp as a Chemistry teacher's cardigan
Oh, don't be alarmed, sir. It's just my penis is on the loose
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