Eloquent Sports Rants

Can you name the speakers of these sports rants, when rephrased eloquently?

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RantSpeakerActual quote
'Post-season? Why, I doubt we'll qualify! It's foolhearty to even suggest!'
'Adequate. Adequate. Adequate. Adequate......Humourous? No. My funny bone was not tickled.'
'If they deserve the headwear of royalty, then present it to their rear ends! Our assumptions of them were ultimately correct.'
'Do you consider me a jester? I've grown weary of these moronic interrogations each evening.'
'Acquire some proven truths, upon which you may return. Acquire some proven truths, upon which you may return. Disregard annual income!'
'I should be your intended target! I'm a male who's lived four decades!'
'Write your handle down! Act with the prominence of XY chromosome! Or, with YY chromosome! Simply write your handle down!'
'Excellent; you stumbled, rotund swine! Partake in an additional pastry! Partake in an additional pastry!

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