Television Quiz / Yes Minister Episode by Quote

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Can you name the Yes Minister episodes by their quote?

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'Well, you're a banker. Surely you read the Financial Times?' 'Can't understand it. Full of economic theory.' 'Why do you buy it?' 'Oh, you know, it's part of the uniform'Sir Humphrey Appleby & Sir Desmond Glazebrook
'Hmmm. Difficult, like asking which lunatic should run the asylum.'Sir Arnold Robinson
'Why are you blathering, Bernard?' 'It's my job, Minister'Bernard Woolley & Jim Hacker
'The three articles of Civil Service faith: it takes longer to do things quickly, it's more expensive to do them cheaply and it's more democratic to do them in secret.'Jim Hacker
'Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now, when it's worked so well?'Sir Humphrey Appleby
'Bernard, subsidy is for art, for culture. It is not to be given to what the people want! It is for what the people don't want but ought to have!'Sir Humphrey Appleby
'A minister with two ideas? I can't remember when we last had one of those'Sir Arnold Robinson
'Oh, yes! 'Controversial' only means 'this will lose you votes'. 'Courageous' means 'this will lose you the election'!'Sir Humphrey Appleby
'Government figures are a nonsense, anyway.' 'I think Sir Humphrey wants to ensure they're a complete nonsense'Jim Hacker & Bernard Woolley
'But surely the citizens of a democracy have a right to know.' 'No. They have a right to be ignorant. Knowledge only means complicity in guilt; ignorance has a certain dignity'Bernard Woolley & Sir Humphrey Appleby
'Why is it that ministers can't ever go anywhere without their briefs?' 'It's in case they get caught with their trousers down.'Jim Hacker & Bernard Woolley
'May I ask who this confidential source was?' 'Humphrey, I just said it was confidential.' 'Oh, I'm sorry. I naturally assumed that meant you were going to tell me'Sir Humphrey Appleby & Jim Hacker
'The ship of state, Bernard, is the only ship that leaks from the top.'Sir Humphrey Appleby
Well, 'under consideration' means 'we've lost the file'; 'under active consideration' means 'we're trying to find it'.Bernard Woolley
'Are you saying that winking at corruption is government policy?' 'No, no, Minister! It could never be government policy. That is unthinkable! Only government practice'Jim Hacker & Sir Humphrey Appleby
'Well it means it's not… ert.' 'Wouldn't ert a fly'Sir Humphrey Appleby & Bernard Woolley
'The National Health Service, Humphrey, is an advanced case of galloping bureaucracy!' 'Oh, certainly not galloping. A gentle canter at the most.'Sir Humphrey Appleby & Jim Hacker
'And mine, too, actually. Yes, it is...What do you mean, 'coincidence'? Don't be silly, Bernard!'Jim Hacker
'First law of political indiscretion: always have a drink before you leak.'Jim Hacker
'And the letters JB are the highest honour in the Commonwealth.' 'JB?' 'Jailed by the British'Sir Humphrey Appleby & Jim Hacker
'How does Bob Carver know about it when we don't?' 'Perhaps he has the PM's ear.' 'Yes, he is in the PM's pocket.' 'Then the PM must have rather a large ear'Jim Hacker, Sir Humphrey Appleby & Bernard Woolley
'Perhaps the government thinks that a tax is the best form of defence'Frank Wiesel reading from the Express

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