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'He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.'
'I never saw someone get buzzed off of orange juice before'
'You don't need a million dollars to do nothin, man. Take a look at my cousin; he's broke, don't do sh**'
'If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!'
'So, why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?'
'The doctor said I need a backiotomy.'
'That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.'
'Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.'
' I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.'
'You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section... Because you could melt all this stuff.'
'Well some people think that 'to puff the magic dragon' means to... puff... smoke... a marijuana cigarette' 'Puff is just the name of the boy's magical dragon... You a pothead?'
'Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A f***in' bullet rips of
'I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left h
'Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.'
'I'm a professional killer' 'Oh! Good for you, it's a... growth industry.'
'You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so ****-faced last night, I shouldn't have **** that guy?' We could be that mistake!'
'Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!'
'You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to
'Sorry we're a few hours late, there, Ma, but you know how the kids... uh... hate old people. So I hear dad's dead. Hey, is that egg nog?'
'They said they were gonna f*** for a buck, do something strange for a little piece of change, and I know we're gonna make them holler for a doller. One of 'em said they'd suck my
'A floater. Nothing harder to solve than a floater. No prints, body's usually bloated, it's next to impossible. All right, I say we push it out and hope the current pushes it down
'[holding up a bowling ball] What the f*** is this?' 'Obviously you're not a golfer.'
'Yeah. I figure if I study high, take the test high, get high scores! Right?'
'When life gives you lemons, just say 'f*** the lemons,' and bail.'
'We're gonna dance to one song, and one song only: 'Lady Humps' by the Blackeyed Peas.'
'Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.'
'So what's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus?... That ain't no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did.'
'Actually, it's perfect. I just never realized John Wayne walked like that.'
'Moooon river... You using the whole fist, Doc?'

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