When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too.
I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend.
Has anyone else seen those incredibly powerful advertisements in cinemas where each time a famous person clicked their fingers an African child dies? I watched those and couldn't help thinking:
I once did a gig in the US for the homeless.
In the pursuit of scientific progress, animals have been tortured for the past hundred years.
My father always used to say: 'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'.
I'm not being condescending.
My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying: 'Can I have a new bike?' He was very upset.
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said: 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said:
I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise?
I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says 'Slow... Children'. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look, of course, on the positive side.
I'd like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year.
I'm not worried about the Third World War.
Make sure when you go camping you have a ground sheet and a hammer.
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough.
A big girl once came up to me after a show and said 'I think you're fat-ist.'
My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information?
I'm not saying Michael Jackson is guilty.
Sixty-eight percent of men start conversations with strangers while queuing for the toilet.
Seventy percent of men say they can burp on demand.
Seven percent of people who give presents says 'It's the thought that counts.'
Nine out of ten children visit McDonald's once a month. What's that thing that all the kids get at McDonald's?
I told my girlfriend that the top she was wearing was too revealing.
The worst thing is when you turn up at a house party dressed as Batman and then you realise a) It's not fancy dress b) You haven't been invited c) It's Christmas Eve and d)
I've got a Muslim friend who is really religious. He knows the Quran backwards.
Quiz Playlist
Details
Clickable: Select answers by clicking on text or image buttons
In order to create a playlist on Sporcle, you need to verify the email address you used during registration. Go to your Sporcle Settings to finish the process.
Comments