Annie: You read my journal? Brynn: At first I did not know it was your diary.
Megan: This is some classy sh-... [burp] I want to apologize.
Rita: They are cute, but when they reach that age, ugh. Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky, they say things that are horrible, and there is semen all over everything. Disgusting.
Flight Attendant Steve: You have 3 seconds to get back to your seat. Annie: No one can get anywhere in 3 seconds.
Brynn: It's a Mexican drinking worm.
Helen: I think people only ask me to their weddings because I’m good at organizing parties. I don't have any female friends... Why are you smiling? Annie: It's just...
Ted: Wow, this is awkward.
Annie: How’s it going with [Dougie] anyway? Lillian: I don’t know. It’s fine, but I feel like he’s been a bit distant lately.
(Annie is helping a couple pick out an engagement ring) Annie: Look at how you guys are making this decision together, that’s sweet. You guys love each other, huh? Oh that’s sweet.
Don: Annie, when you’re selling an engagement ring, you have to represent lifelong happiness. Show me your “love-is-eternal” face. (Annie tries to make a pleasant face.)
Judy: It's Wynonna Judd. Painting those giant bangs was a royal pain in my can.
Judy: Oh. I forgot to tell you, I signed up to speak at AA tonight. I have to go, I forgot. Annie: Mom!
Megan: Believe it or not, I fell off a cruise ship. Annie: Oh sh*t! Megan: Yeah, ‘oh sh*t.’ Took a hard, violent fall. Kind of pin-balled down, hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of sh*t. I’m not gonna say I survived, I’m gonna say I thrived. I met a dolphin down there. I swear to god that dolphin looked not at me, but into my soul - into my soul, Annie - and said ‘I’m saving you Megan.
Annie: (mocking) My name is Helen. You live in Milwaukee? Oh, I’m sorry. Have you met Lillian? She’s my best friend.
Rhodes: Here. It's a buddy of mine. His body shop's in Milwaukee. Annie: Bill... Cozbi's? Rhodes: With a 'z'. Different guy.
Annie: I’ve been thinking. Brynn needs to start paying rent. That’s it. She’s been here long enough. The three of us live here, it’s not fair for me to be paying half. We split it three ways, what do you say? Gil: Well, she can't work, she's on a tourist visa.
Becca: Helen, aren't you eating any meat? Helen: It's not good to eat a big meal before a fitting. I'll feel a bit bloated. Megan: Not me, nope.
Rita: The other night I’m slaving away to make a beautiful dinner for my family. My youngest boy comes in and says he wants to order pizza. I say ‘no we aren’t ordering pizza tonight.’ He says, ‘Mom, why don't you go f*** yourself.’
Becca: What about a Pixar themed shower? We all come dressed as our favorite Pixar character. Megan: I’ll just snowball on top of that.
Rita: Look, can I be honest? I’m stuck with three teenage boys all day every day. What about the bachelorette party?
Annie: Whoa, this dress is $800. Helen: You're kidding.
Rhodes: If I ever had a wedding, I’d want everyone to be stress-free. I’d like it to be like a carnival. People win prizes for guessing the bride's weight, dunk tanks... Annie: You could have elephants, the bride and groom could walk on a tightrope...
Annie: I didn't know you could be a cop here if you weren't a citizen. Rhodes: You can't.
Lillian: Hey, buddy. How ya doin? Annie: I'm goood. I'm so much more relaxed now. Thank you, Helen.
Annie: (opening the curtain between first class and coach) This should be open, because it's Civil Rights.
Flight Attendant: Ladies and gentlemen...As you can see, the captain has turned on the fasten-your-seat belt sign. It seems we’ve found rough patch of weather here-- Annie: (over intercom) I have an announcement too.
Helen: It’s funny how people change, isn’t it? Annie: I don’t know, do people really change? Helen: I think they do. Annie: But they still stay who they are, pretty much. Helen: I think we change all the time. Annie: I think we stay the same, but grow a little bit. Helen: I think if you’re growing, then you’re changing.
Annie: I'm sorry. I need your help. We can't find Lillian. Rhodes: How long has she been gone? Annie: She's been missing for, like, twelve hours. Rhodes: Twelve hours? It's not a missing person until it's at least twenty four hours.
Megan: You know what I did? I pulled myself up, I studied hard, I read every book in the library and now I work for the government and have the highest possible security clearance. Don’t repeat that. I cannot protect you.
Annie: It's all her fault. It's not mine. You would know that if you got your beautiful-haired head out of your ***hole. In fact, out of her ***hole!
Mom: We're going to have fun. I, for one, am really glad you're here. And guess what just came in today on the Netflix. Cast Away. Tom Hanks.
Annie: Pink lemonade. Nice touch. (takes a sip)
Annie: God, I feel bad for your parents. Girl: I feel bad for your face. Annie: Call me when your boobs come in. Girl: You call me when yours come in. Annie: What, do you have four boyfriends? Girl: Exactly. Annie: Have fun having a baby at your prom.