Linda: Bob, Gene look at yourselves, you’re father and son! You’re supposed to love each other, not kill each other.
Gene: Where are we?
Louise: I think it's a country club.
Gene: It's the documentarian who hates Dad and puts wigs on cows!
Linda: I had the video game company take your game away because I love you.
Bob: Are you kidding? I wish I could afford urinal cake ads.
Linda: Ooh!
Mr. Fischoeder: Bob, you may be the worst tenant I've ever had.
Bob: Mr. Frond. He's a tall glass of... annoying.
Louise: Our family doesn't celebrate Lobsterfest. We're like Jews on Christmas.
Linda: They're not here! I got Tina's diary, let's see if it says anything. [reads diary] 'Dear Diary, tonight we're sneaking into the dangerous taffy factory.'
Linda: I dreamed that I was breast feeding Gene again, but he had a long, white beard, like Santa Claus. It was really freaky.
Documentary Director: Little girl, do you think cows should be ground up for food?
Tina: 'Danger' is my middle name.
Teddy: I love bed and breakfasts. They're so quaint.
Louise: Aren't they?
Gene: Is Dad going to jail?
Tina: I'll wave at you every day.
Louise: Word of advice: don't tell them what you're in for.
Louise: I've been honest with these two ever since Gene got too fat.
Gene: I remember the ice-cream sandwich that did it too.
Louise: So you're not going to get revenge today?
Bob: No, Louise, I'm not.
Louise: OK, got it.
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