Tracy: This show is our chance to break the shackles cause the white dudes want to see us fail.
Liz: What white dudes?
Tracy: All of 'em. Jack Donaghy. General Electric. George Bush.
Tracy: Here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age:
Jack: I didn't know they served chicken nuggets at this restaurant.
Liz: It's cod, it's uh, they made it special. Dennis has some dietary restrictions.
Liz: I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider them erotica.
Liz: That's what I could do to Drew.
Jenna: Drug him? Liz, no.
Jack: Lemon - there was once a great American named George Henderson. He met a woodland ape, or sasquatch, and, despite its dangerous message of environmentalism, became his friend. When the time came to do the hard thing and send it back into the forest where it belonged, and birds could perch on its shoulder because it was gentle, George Henderson summoned the strength and by God he did it! Did it hurt? You bet it hurt. Like a bastard. But he did it because it was the right thing to do. For the woodland ape. You think about that.
Liz: Really - you want to exchange creative gifts? Oh, well, you are the one that's in trouble now, buddy, because creativity to me is just like... like a... bird, like a friendly bird, that embraces all... ideas, and just like, shoots... out of its eyes, all kinds of beauty.
Jack: Wow, Lemon, this is like watching Hemingway write.
Tracy: It's like a black barbie doll in Arizona.
Kenneth: Miss Lemon, did you not grow up with Leap Day William? He lives in the Mariana Trench, he emerges every four years to trade children’s tears for candy.
Liz: What? No.
Jack: You have no interest in helping me. You’re one of them. What do you make, five figures?
Lenny Wozniak: Forty grand a year.
Jack: Michael Kors is a friend —- we own a gay racehorse together.
Tracy: This is bad, because I can't change. I'm like a chameleon.
Liz: No, Jack. You were just talking about how you miss office hookups. That is a double standard.
Jack: Calm down.
Liz: I won't calm down.
Liz: You ready for Larry King Live tonight?
Tracy: You know it.
Jack: Conan, this is important to me. So, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
Conan: What’s the hard way?
Jack: Whenever I have a problem, I tackle it head on. A year ago I was an inch and a half shorter.
Floyd: I work up in Legal, and —
Liz: You're a lawyer?
Liz: I truly don't like you as a person. Can't one human being not like another human being?
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink.
Jack: I wanted to talk to you about our corporate 'Bottoms-Up Day.' Once a year all the senior V.P.s spend one day doing the job of one of our lowest level employees. This year I'll be a page for a day and you'll be my boss.
Kenneth: Thank you, sir!
Jack: That's how the 'Bottoms-Up' program works. I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth.
Jack: Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
[looking at a basket of kittens]
Liz: Oh...Look at theeese guuuys.
Cat Wrangler: They like you.
Kenneth: Oh, Miss Lemon. You have several messages. Aw, let's see, that company running the bike tour in South Carolina says no singles. Uh, your credit card called; they want to make sure you're the one buying cream soda in bulk.
Liz: I sure am.
Jack: Lemon, let me tell you a little story. It was 1994, and I was ice climbing when I fell into a crevasse and hurt my leg. There was only one way out, so fighting every natural instinct I have, I did the thing I hated the most. I climbed down into the darkness.
Wesley: So does this mean you've come to your senses? Are you ready to settle, and become Mrs. Snipes?
Liz: No. I wanted to tell you to your face that I know that I can do better than you. And I'm never going to be Mrs. Snipes... Hang on, is your name Wesley Snipes? That is insane.
Wesley: It's insane that the actor Wesley Snipes has that name! Look. If you saw a picture of him, and a picture of me, and you were asked 'Who should be named *Wesley* *Snipes*?'...
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