Presidential FML

Can you name the Presidential FML?

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FML EntryPresident
Look, I didn't ASK to be President, I never ran on a ticket, so I'd like to know why women keep trying to kill me! FML
Had a nice afternoon with Monica, though something tells me she's even less discrete than the McDougles. FML
Well, we got Texas, but now Mexico's getting all uppity about it... FML
I just got arrested for running over an old biddy who ran out in front of me, and this entire thing with Kansas and Nebraska is just going to hell. FML
NOO-kyoo-ler.. NOO-kleeyoo-ler. NOO-kee... ARGH! FML
Impeached?! What do they mean, 'impeached?!' It's because I'm from the South, isn't it? FML
I'm trying to get the Indian problem to go away, but I've got all these people claiming 'treaty obligations!' FML
I can't apologise enough to Prime Minister Miyazawa for... well.. at least I didn't ask him to read my lips immediately beforehand. FML
I could use this new telephone device to tell the troops to pull out of the South if I could figure out how to work the cursed thing. FML
Bought some swampland from the Spanish, and now we're trying to compromise with the slaveholders to get Missouri admitted. This is going to end poorly... FML
Not sure how I became President, I sure as hell didn't vote for me, people are plucking my horse bald, and my stomach hasn't felt right for weeks! FML
Had a nice little meeting with Winston yesterday (pleasant chap), but that mustachioed Russian kept trying to butt in! FML
I was just trying to fish, but that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! FML
Look, yes, I know I got shot, but I wish these surgeons would leave me alone! I get the feeling they're only making things worse. FML
Fine, I'll let them wire the house for electricity, but don't expect me to go anywhere near those switches! What if they... 'short circle' or something?! FML
I know it was perhaps amusing, but I wish everyone would just let go of the entire 'stuck in a bathtub' thing! FML
John's dead, I got a new cabinet, and now I can compromise with the South. What do you mean no one's going to remember me in 100 years...? FML
WOO! PREZ AGAIN! But now I have to get all my stuff back the way I had it when I left four years ago... FML
I know the Civil Rights Act had to be done, but I also know I just handed the South to the Republicans. FML
It's been a long term and it's barely half over. Now I have to think of a fancy way to say 87 before I go to Pennsylvania tomorrow. FML
I got the job, but people keep saying I won against the will of the people, and because of my dad's name... no President's ever had to put up with this before. FML
Banks in New York and Philly are closed, and there's a bit of a panic about... I just keep trying to tell myself everything's O.K. FML
Well, I told Mikhail to tear down that wall, but now I'm starting to think he might actually do it... FML
FML EntryPresident
Since the last election, things have gone to hell. Some of the states are leaving, but I'm sure not going to war to stop them. Best of luck to the new guy. FML
Here I am, minding my own business, re-editing my enemies list, when I get a call that says that some of my fundraisers got caught breaking into a hotel! FML
The British are back, and this time they burned down my house! FML
I feel I'm doing something important, but that Onion headline, 'Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job,' seems way too honest now to be funny anymore. FML
Started a new job today -- I had to borrow money to get here, they haven't finished my office yet, and no one's entirely sure what I'm supposed to do! I want back in the army. FML
This thing in Indochina's only going to get out of hand, but I still feel it's my duty to warn the country against the military/industrial complex. FML
Well, that was a splendid little war, and we got some nice tropical islands to balance that frozen waste we got from Russia... what do you mean the ship exploded by accident? FML
It's been hard, but I've managed to keep us from war with Germany... but now this telegram from Arthur Zimmerman... FML
I have huge hands! Fake news! Sad! So unfair! Stolen election! Covfefe! FML!
I wish these 'birthers' would just drop it, eh? None of the other Presidents before have had to put up with this. FML
Sure, I ended the war and got a good portion of Mexico in the process, but what I really want is a couple of guys from NYC to write a song about my exploits. FML
We might just be able to keep the economy of the Roaring 20s g... wait, what do you mean, 'crash?' FML
Anna keeps pestering me to put on a hat or come in from the cold, but dammit, I got a lot to say and I know a little something about medicine. FML *cough*
Arg, even the Chicago Tribune's decided to call the election for Dewey... FML
FML?! I'm the manliest man ever! I'm a boxing President who knows Jujitsu! I took San Juan Hill! MY LIFE IS BULLY! (And yes, I'm on a horse!)
I was trying to warn them about Communism! I have no idea where this entire 'doughnut' thing started! FML
Yeah, I got a sweet new army and navy from this entire XYZ Affair, but Tom's love affair with the French almost dragged us to war! FML
Bought some land for cheap, and we're looking at making it so that the Prez and VP are elected together. NO ONE should have to go through that again, jeez. FML
Warren's dead. FML
I'm inheriting a country that's more divided than it's been in over 150 years in the midst of a pandemic. We can rebuild, but we've got a lot of work ahead of us. FML
Alright, Black Friday, the custom house, the Sanborn Contract, Pratt & Boyd. Sure, there have been mistakes, but if you can't trust your friends...? FML
Poker night with the boys went okay. Albert reassured me that the oil contract at Teapot Dome was square, but I'm honestly starting to feel ill. FML *cough*

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