Disney Keep-It-Real

Disney Keep-It-Real, who does this statement describe basically?

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Basically...I am...Movie (no year)
'I'm always drunk, yet I get more stuff done than the governor of England.'
'I can have any man I want, but I chose a monster who imprisoned my father and took away my freedom.'
'My raging hormones led me to sell my soul to a witch for the chance to be loved by a boy who never told me his name.'
'I'm tall, I'm dark, I'm handsome, yet I must kill the man my crush has fallen in love with because my ego.'
'My ice castle is basically a giant middle finger to the kingdom at the bottom of the mountain.'
'Moral of the story, never take apples from old hags.'
'Not being invited to a party has caused me to lose my temper and place a curse upon a baby girl. Tis a pity, but alas cannot be helped.'
'Despite my attractiveness, I only have one song throughout the whole film and it's a duet with a blonde in a boat.'
'Singing and walking on a log at the same time ages you instantly when you're in hiding.'
'I sang a stupid love song just to win over and marry the queen's sister so I could rule a kingdom.'
'My ancestors started the Black Plague, yet they continue to let me cook in a kitchen. Nothing tastes better than mysterious, incurable diseases.'
'Because the chances of another woman having my same foot size is slim to none.'
'Getting drunk and seeing marching elephants on parade is not the best thing to put on an application.'
'According to history, I'm too young for you. According to Disney, I'm old enough to have a romantic relationship with you that stops a war between our people.'
'My first love was a woman I met while she was pretending to be her father's son. Not something you see every dynasty.'
'I broke the hearts of millions by telling a little girl that 'Kitty has to go'. Good thing she's my cousin's sister's daughter.'
'I can hide the fact that I'm doing super hero business from my wife, but she somehow finds out that I listen to the police radio.'
'I have all the power in the world with great background music and what do I use it for! To make the brooms clean the floor for me.'
'Medicine will always taste bad, no matter how much sugar you add to it.'
'Hillbilly Hell taught me that being selfish will leave me alone and empty.'
Basically...I am...Movie (no year)
'Isolation in a tall tower with no friends or outside communication has somehow not mentally scarred or damaged me after 17 years.'
'I'm putting my faith in a kid who claims to be a child of the gods. A song should determine whether or not it's worth my time.'
'My son's name in Latin means 'no one'. I'm a father who lost his entire family and is chasing after a son that in reality does not exist.'
'By simply looking at a picture of my dead parents and putting on my dead father's jacket, I have suddenly achieved the ability to walk with good posture.'
'I don't always kiss animals, but when I do, it backfires.'
'I don't always kill my family, but when I do, I become the king of the rock.'
'I have a pet tiger, yet question the safety of a flying rug.'
'I was saved by mermaids, almost married a witch, killed the witch, and met the woman I fell in love with because of her voice. What did you do today?'
'My colony constantly reminds me that creativity is bad. Joke's on them, it saved their lives.'
'I believe a drunkard is equivalent to 100 souls.'
'The closest thing I have to a father figure in my life is a pirate who tries to kill me, but he is a good cook.'
'Monolouging to your enemies and capes leads to possible death. Of all the things I didn't learn.'
'I'm a slave to the devil and I fall in love with a god. Set the standards high.'
'If cross-dressing were an Olympic sport, I would win, since it took an injury in war to reveal my gender.'
'In short, I'm a cock tease to a wild man who wants me to stay with him. Instead, I rip out his heart and stomp on it...twice.'
'I touched a glowing needle and woke up to an attractive man making out with me. I should do this more often.'
'I burned down Paris because I couldn't control a boner.'
'I play a kiss-ass day in and day out for the chance to rule over a poverty infested kingdom with a parrot.'
'I see her everyday, yet I don't understand how I could not recognize her at a royal ball when the only thing different about her is her dress!'
Screw growing up and screw adulthood
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Last Updated: Feb 16, 2017

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