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The Office Quotes. Season 1 - Season 9

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I was sitting on my couch, eating my penis. I mean pea's, wow that was weird!
Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica.
We showered, we got naked, we scah dah dah doo da loo doo doo doo doo
Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not even pregnant.
Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an 'upper decker.'
Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies.
Yeah! I mean I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean somebody has a kid, oh su
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.
If my parents see this, I am toast.
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You're too charactery to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.
Didn't you get the memo? It's stairmageddon.
I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. Ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen.
Really Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughter house and a rendering plant? Uhhh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses.
Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete? because we all know that's the guy Erin's flirting with.
You can't be scared of a room full of Jims. I love the guy but he's basically Gumby with hair.
Yeah, Kevin asked me out. I was kinda feeling good about reentering the dating pool, but then Kevin asked me out. Thought I might trade up to a new level of man. Then Kevin asked m
Smile if you love men's prostates.
I'm going to find you someone better and rich...and Filipino.
Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I am great at girl talk.
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