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'I have a crush on an opera singer, but she might not like my face.'
'My little baby 'daughter' decided to sneak out with her new boyfriend and get an ugly haircut.'
'My annoying stepdaughter is being told she's prettier than me.'
'I make business deals, and in return for tricking a girl, I get stabbed.'
'The girl I fell in love with was kidnapped and got Stockholm syndrome.'
'I want to strike it rich, but I'm the bad guy for being 'greedy' and 'wanting too much gold'.'
'All I wanted to do was get my brothers busted. Just once!
'I've always had family issues. I mean, my parent named me 'Garbage.'
'I loved my brother, but then he demanded freedom for his people. Move on!'
'So today I learned it's wrong to kill a demon baby. What a country!'
'I'm supposedly a bad father for throwing some kids in a pit, but my son ate his!'
'I'm a snake. Am I supposed to pass up supernova BBQ?'
'So kids break into my house, and I tried to eat them. What's wrong with that?'
'My dad never paid attention to me, so I joined the side of a just-as-cruel dad.'
'AVADA KEDAVRA!'