Entertainment Quiz / Charlie Brooker Targets

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Can you name the things Charlie Brooker is describing?

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I don't get [answer]. What's their appeal, precisely? They waddle around with their haircuts on, cluttering the pavement like gormless, farting skittles. They're awful.
Here was a man capable of effortlessly breathing gallons of soul into even the most basic of lifeforms...
Loathed. Reviled. Pilloried. Ridiculed. And for what? For being a dopey-faced, fat-tongued TV chef.
Anyone who enjoys watching [answer] on television is an imbecile; a dangle-mouthed, cud-chewing, salivating ding-dong with a brain full of dim piss...
They've got better cars, better food, better scenery, better shops, better serial killers, better manners, better teeth, and better faith in their own inherent superiority.
It's become as ubiquitous a human requirement as the need for air...which is why the world is full of bewildered people doing misguided and humiliating things in a bid for [it].
Now, I'm not calling Tony a liar. I can however point out that if Tony really does possess a '_____ gift', it follows that the rules of science will have to be rewritten.
If a penis could choose it's own wardrobe and hair stylist, chances are it'd end up looking like Duane 'Dog' Chapman, star of '_______'.
In many ways, [it] is the present day equivalent of a club 18-30 holiday - flirting, sunbathing, games and lots of people you'd like to remove from the gene pool with a cricket bat
It's far too complicated. There's cameras and traffic zones and blah blah blah. It costs a fortune. And you'd get better results if you replaced the whole thing with a sniper.
It's a bit like American Idol, but with terrifying global ramifications. You've got to laugh.
Squint closely, and the notion that this series represents a genuine test of business skill is exposed as the preposterous gobbet of cockflob it is.
Don't be a wuss. That'll fade after a few years and all you'll be left with is a walking catalogue of tiny, grating quirks gleefully pointing out your shortcomings.
QuoteAnswer
...A face like a punctured beachball, like an arse that's fallen downstairs, like a rucksack full of dented bells.
...to assess where this current series of '____' is heading. Or 'Carnival of Torture', as it might as well be called, given the amount of violent interrogation going on.
Nope, still can't get used to it. It's too good to be true. I must've died in my sleep and am now having an insane fantasy pumped into my head by the Matrix.
...But according to '_____', being British is actually about feeling aggressed, mistrustful, overlooked, isolated, powerless, and petrified of 'losing my identity'.
...a roster of wannabe friends I can't reply to, organised a small group of people baffled by my motives and convinced several strangers that I'm a conceited, desperate prick.
...An hour of people in leotards running, tumbling, wrestling, jumping and hitting each other with padded sticks, inside a cavernous crashmat-and-searchlight repository
There can't be a human being on Earth who doesn't love [answer]. Perpetual order from perpetual chaos. The most inherently satisfying video game ever created.
It was a show about minutiae and neurosis and social transgression. And jokes. In fact it was a show about everything, brilliantly disguised as a show about nothing.
Even I know enough to realise it's largely an imaginary construct: abstract numbers given shape by wishful thinking
[Answer] is a wonderful thing, but you wouldn't want to kiss it. It's an ugly, quivering, corrugated blancmange. If it wasn't permanently shrouded from view, you'd never get laid.
For those in established relationships, it's a perfunctory, grinding ceremony...And, of course, if you're single, it's a thudding reminder of your increasingly desperate isolation.
It's a hypnotic orgy of violence in which martial artists, thugs, robots, wrestlers and pandas knock 10 bells out of each other for no good reason. Wonderful.

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