Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin

Can you name the source of these words of wisdom: Homer Simpson ('H') or Peter Griffin ('P')?

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QuoteHomer or Peter
Oh yeah? Well, according to paragraph 7, sentence 3, word 8 of the Geneva Convention... 'the'.
I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
(Son), everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
Now, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.
Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.
People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened.
The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
Step aside, its time for me to do my fatherly duty. Haha I said duty, but no time to laugh about it now.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, (wife).
Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house, because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.
Aw, c'mon (wife), isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.
They look at me and see a loser. Except that guy with the lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine.
I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, (wife). You're my silver medal.
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
To you she may be worth a million dollars. But to me she's worthless!
Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of 'for' to 'from'?
(Daughter), if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
We're officially on welfare. Come on, kids. Help me scatter car parts on the front lawn.
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.
See, (daughter), things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences.
All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
I think (boss) picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert.
I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
'To Start Press Any Key.' Where's the 'ANY' key?
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
(Boss), I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
Oh my god, (friend), there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
If by 'read', you mean 'imagine the naked lady', then yes.
(Son), with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Now kids, Daddy only drank so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
(Daughter), vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.
Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank.

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