Television Quiz / Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin

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Can you name the source of these words of wisdom: Homer Simpson ('H') or Peter Griffin ('P')?

Quiz Updated Apr 30, 2016

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QuoteHomer or Peter
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.
(Daughter), if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
If by 'read', you mean 'imagine the naked lady', then yes.
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
(Daughter), vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
(Son), everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
(Boss), I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow.
We're officially on welfare. Come on, kids. Help me scatter car parts on the front lawn.
I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, (wife).
Oh yeah? Well, according to paragraph 7, sentence 3, word 8 of the Geneva Convention... 'the'.
Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank.
Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
They look at me and see a loser. Except that guy with the lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine.
To you she may be worth a million dollars. But to me she's worthless!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.
'To Start Press Any Key.' Where's the 'ANY' key?
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
I think (boss) picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
See, (daughter), things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences.
Step aside, its time for me to do my fatherly duty. Haha I said duty, but no time to laugh about it now.
Now, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.
Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.
Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of 'for' to 'from'?
Aw, c'mon (wife), isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Oh my god, (friend), there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Now kids, Daddy only drank so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, (wife). You're my silver medal.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert.
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
(Son), with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.
People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house, because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.

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