| Quote | Character | Episode |
|---|
| It's a strange day when I'm involved with national security. | |
| Paper's for wimps | |
| I'm just saying, it could have been worse: I could have been an astronaut. | |
| It's Special Agent Sunshine | |
| I always did well on my 19th Century English Literature midterm until you came along and sucked me into your life of crime! | |
| Just trying to get a little pizza in an uncivilized world. | |
| Exactly sixty-three feet from the Oval Office. If you don't think we measure, you're out of your mind. | |
| It occurs to me I never said I'm sorry. I am. | |
| And I'm gonna win. | |
| It's hard not to like a guy who doesn't know 'frumpy,' but knows 'onomatopoeia. | |
| CJ and I are gonna get drunk. Come on. | |
| You know what I'd do if I owned a hockey team? I'd hire a sumo wrestler. I'd give him a uniform, transportation, 500 bucks a week to sit in the goal, eat a ham sandwich, and enjoy | |
| When I was four, I wanted to be a ballerina. | |
| | Quote | Character | Episode |
|---|
| The da-da of Dada. / It's like there's nothing you can do about that joke. It's coming, and you just have to stand there. (Both names) | |
| I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. | |
| Butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter. | |
| Any trip over eight hours, he tends to fire somebody at the end of it, and three times it's been me... | |
| When I came in here - back in the late 50's - there was a purpose to it but then one thing led to another and I blacked out. | |
| Use me, don't use me, but all I can offer you is this: I'll be the only person in the world, other than your family, who doesn't care that you're the president. Our time is up. | |
| I've got your spark plug. Is that what you meant?... And your battery. Fuel pump, starter relay, timing belt, the ignition fuse. And well also the engine, I guess. | |
| I take a bullet for the President. He doesn't take one for me. | |
| Abigail! May I grasp your breasts? | |
| Trying to be 'one of the fellas,' sir? | |
| You know what, old man? The very minute they swear in the next guy you and I are going round and round. | |
| Crime. Boy, I don't know | |
|
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