Toby is in HR which technically means he works for Corporate. So he's really not a part of our family.
You don't even know what stupid is.
Today, I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor?
Would I rather be feared or loved?
Corporate has made it my responsibility today...
It is St. Patrick's Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal.
I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn.
“I saved a life: my own. Am I a hero?
What is it like being single? I like it! I like starting each day with a sense of possibility.
I am running away from my responsibilities,
Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going.
Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.'
Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject,
Happy birthday, Jesus.
I can't even hear you.
I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend.
I don't hate it.
I'm not superstitious,
I was never in this for the money.
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked,
I love inside jokes.
I don't know, it was a weird day.
You don’t know me.
And if I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby
I knew exactly what to do.
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