Television / amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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QuoteCharacter
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Death stalks you at every turn!
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
The pointy kitty took it!
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
QuoteCharacter
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
Nobody ever says Italy...
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
I'm an ugmo.
Gotta nuke something.
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.

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