Leslie: I would like to be president someday, so no, I've not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually.
Leslie: I'm a feminist, okay? I would never ever go to a strip club.
Leslie: Look, I don't like to throw around the word butthead too often. If you call everybody a butthead then it kinda loses its impact.
Ben: Come on, you don't really think the whole town believes in curses.
Leslie: Everybody knows that we cannot accept gifts for over $25 for corruption reasons. We live in a fishbowl. Everyone is watching us.
Waiter: Would you like any wine to start?
Leslie: That painting is not gonna be destroyed. Every great work of art contains a message.
Leslie: Tom, it's perfectly normal to feel devastated when something is over.
Ben: I just wanted to tell you something in person.
Leslie: We are colleagues with benefits.
Leslie: I’m like that lightbulb. Weak, flickering, barely giving off any light.
Leslie: We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work.
Ann: I just wanna check one last time that you're okay about this date with Mark. Leslie: Oh my god, I am so fine with it, Ann, seriously. It's so fine!
Leslie: I think it'll be a bonding experience between me and Ron.
Ann: And he looked up at me and... he said, 'Thank you. You saved my life.'
Leslie: Relationships need planning! You just can't jump into something without thinking!
Leslie: No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me.
Leslie: He told me he liked me and I'm gonna go make out with him right now.
Leslie: Ann, you beautiful spinster.
Ben: It's a white flag, and you better start waving it now, Leslie.
Leslie: It will be a women’s only marathon bonding session filled with tons of whipped cream.
Tanya: I’ve never seen you buy a salad at Sue’s Salads.
Leslie: Wanna hear something awful?
Donna: Why are you all dolled up?
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