Television Quiz / Red Dwarf Quotes

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Can you guess which of Lister, Rimmer, Kryten, The Cat and Holly said each of these Red Dwarf quotes?

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QuoteCharacter Who Said It
'And the moral of the story is: appreciate what you've got, because basically, I'm fantastic!'
'I just want to say... That over the years, I have come to regard you as... People... I met.'
'Better make myself look big!'
'I'm dead, I'm composed entirely of light, and I'm alone with a man who'd lose a battle of wits with a stuffed iguana.'
'And you can't confuse Rimmer with a book. For a start, a book's got a spine.'
'Oh, yeah? Smeg off!'
'We have in our midst a complete smegpot.'
'I'm you from the future. I've come to warn you in three million years you'll be dead.'
'My brain's rebelled. It just won't accept nice things happening to me.'
'I can't let you go - the potato king won't let me!'
'But, Sir - where do all the calculators go?'
'I've seen Westerns. I know how to speak cowboy. Leave the talking to me. Dry white wine and Perrier, please.'
'It turns out shoes have soles...'
Red Dwarf crew member: 'Have you seen Rimmer's arm?' -- 'No, I'm waiting for it to come out in paperback.'
'Everything always goes wrong for me. I'm probably the only person in the world to buy a Topic bar without a single hazelnut in it.'
'...With an IQ of 6,000; the same IQ as 6,000 PE teachers.'
'Stop your foul whining, you filthy piece of distended rectum!'
Kryten: 'Have no others shared moments of intimacy with him?' -- 'Only one, but she's got a puncture.'
'Ace Rimmer - what a guy!'
'We're on a mining ship three million years into deep space. Can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?'
'Lister, that is my private, personal, private diary.'
'There's a wise old cat saying, which I think applies in this situation. What are you talking about, dog-breath?'
'It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard.'
'When the going gets tough, the tough go have a little cry in the corner.'
QuoteCharacter Who Said It
'I'm gonna get you, little fishy...'
'Oh, screw down my diodes and call me Frank!'
Holly: 'How simple do you want this?' -- 'So Lister can understand it.'
'Boys from the Dwarf...'
'Sir, you are a smeeee... a smeeee heeee...'
Rimmer: 'Only this morning, you called me a cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity.' -- 'In an affectionate way!'
'Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!'
'Let's get out there and twat it!'
'I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass!'
'Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. I said supper is ready!'
'Have you quite finished being strange?'
'Everybody's dead, Dave...'
Kryten: 'They've taken Mr. Rimmer!' -- 'Quick! Let's get out of here before they bring him back!'
'Mr. Flibble is very cross.'
Rimmer: 'Step up to Red Alert!' -- 'Sir, are you absolutely sure? it does mean changing the bulb.'
'You are a total, total... a word has yet to be invented to describe how totally 'whatever-it-is' you are, but you are one. And a total, total one at that.'
'You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.'
'Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas... Whatever.'
'Might I suggest that from this point, the rest of this discourse is conducted by those with brains larger than a grape?'
'With respect, Sir, you've got your head up your fat arse.'
'I'm not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens!'
'Look, we've all got something to bring to this discussion. The thing you should bring is silence.'

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